These Kennewick parents lost 2 children to suicide. They don't fear talking about it

Marvin and Wanda McCollom had the unthinkable happen not once, but twice.

Their daughter Amy died by suicide in 2015. She was 42 and struggled with bipolar disorder.

Then a year later, their 16-year-old son, John, also took his own life. He was close to Amy and spiraled after her death.

The McColloms tried to help both kids.

They arranged counseling, sought crisis help. They asked questions. They worried. They loved.

And now they ache.

The pain of burying two children — it never dulls.

"There's not a day that goes by that I don't miss them," Marvin said, choking back tears.

But they hope some good can come out of their crushing loss.

They want to raise awareness, promote conversation and point to resources.

They've also offered support to other families who've experienced similar losses, including the family of a Kennewick teen who died by suicide in April. Wanda reached out via Facebook.

The McColloms had four children in all — biological daughters Heather and Amy, plus two younger kids, John and Jade, whom they adopted from foster care. Heather Escobar, their oldest, is a realtor who lives in Pasco; Jade is the youngest at 11 years old.

John was 5 when he was placed with the McColloms. He fit from the start.

"We literally fell in love with him," Wanda recalled. "It was like he was born in our family."

John was outgoing and funny. He could be a handful, but he was lovable, with a million friends, Wanda said.

On the field, he was a star — football, baseball, whatever he tried.

Like John, Amy sparkled. She already was an adult when John joined the family, but the two had a special bond.

"They horsed around. They just hit it off," Wanda said.

Amy was a hairstylist with a gift for making things beautiful.

In her hands, drugstore makeup could look stunning, and a regular head of hair was a work of art.

But Amy struggled.

She made several suicide attempts over the years, including one about a decade before her death that left her partially paralyzed.

In May 2015, she died from an intentional overdose.

The whole family was left reeling. John, who found her while checking on her dogs, was hit hard.

His grades suffered and he began making bad choices, Wanda said.

In June 2016, he hanged himself.

Wanda tries not to blame herself. She did her best by Amy and John. She loved them.

But it hurts so much.

Taking action

The McColloms aren't alone in their pain.

Between 2016 and 2017, six Tri-City youth age 18 or younger died by suicide, the Benton-Franklin Health District reported.

In 2015, the number was five.

Dana Camarena, director of student support for Educational Service District 123, is among those working locally on youth suicide prevention. Her agency offers training in schools and the community to help people identify warning signs and take action.

They use the acronym ACT: "A" for acknowledging signs of a problem; "C" for showing that you care and are willing to help; and "T" for seeking treatment immediately.

She's also working to create a community conversation about suicide, to demystify it and de-stigmatize discussion of mental health.

"If a kid breaks their leg and needs extra (assistance) getting out of the car or bus, there's no problem asking for help. But we tend to have a problem asking for help around mental health challenges," Camarena said. "We need to change that."

The Tri-Cities has several agencies that provide mental health care, including Lourdes Counseling Center, Lutheran Community Services Northwest, Comprehensive Healthcare, Tri-Cities Community Health and Catholic Charities.

Lourdes also operates the bicounty Crisis Response Unit, which can be reached at 509-783-0500.

Heather Escobar is working to start a nonprofit in her brother's honor. Called John's Closet, it'll offer clothing, shoes and other items to foster families. When John first came to the McColloms', he had only the clothes on his back.

To help, call 509-551-4422.

Reach out, ask for help

Heather wants teens, families — anyone who is struggling — to know that, "it's OK to not be OK," she said.

Reach out, ask for help. If you think someone in your life is in trouble, don't stay silent.

Wanda agreed. "(Suicide) is a subject people don't want to talk about," she said. "It needs to be talked about."

Wanda pulled out a photo album and flipped through the pages — through photo after photo of her kids.

There was John in his football uniform. There he was with Amy, both of them smiling at the camera.

"We can't bring them back," Heather said as she looked at the photos with her mother. "But if we can share the signs and also our story — (share) what it's done to our family and the pain and the hole in our family that will never be filled — then maybe it'll help somebody."

A suicide prevention and anti-bullying event is planned Saturday at Badger Mountain in Richland. The Benton-Franklin chapter of PFLAG is organizing the event, which starts at 5:30 p.m. at Trailhead Park. Registration is at 5 p.m.

If you need help, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-8255 or text 741741.

More: suicidepreventionlifeline.org.

This story was originally published April 27, 2018 at 6:54 PM with the headline "These Kennewick parents lost 2 children to suicide. They don't fear talking about it."