Faith | Try a ‘do-over’ for a 2nd chance to start fresh
Do-overs are an act of faith One of the ways kids offer wisdom for us grownups is with the concept of a “do-over.”
When I was growing up, rousing games of kickball were common in our neighborhood. My family lived on a cul-de-sac, so we had a perfect spot for ball games and bike rides. Whenever we got a group together for kickball, competition could be intense.
If a play was contested in the absence of official referees, there was always the threat of arguments, someone stomping off mad, or the game devolving into anarchy. However, to our credit, and the credit of kids everywhere who figure out how to work and play together, someone would often simply shout “do-over,” and that play would be forgotten as we started fresh.
A do-over isn’t a replay where you repeat exactly what happened previously. It’s also not intended to privilege one team over the other. It’s simply a way to discard a play when there is no other means to resolve who won the round or whether someone was safe or out.
As I look back on this, I’m amazed it worked as well and as often as it did. It was like the kids had this internal barometer of justice.
If someone got hit in the head with a ball, for example, we learned it was both respectful and advantageous to call a do-over. Otherwise, the kid who got hit might run home crying, which would make us short a player, and might make the kid’s parents think we were doing something too dangerous out there. Plus, it’s not pleasant getting hit in the head with a ball.
Do-overs are harder for adults, but not impossible.
Although I can’t take back something unkind that I’ve said, I can acknowledge it came out harshly, and ask for a redo by restating my snarky response more kindly, or softening a criticism. I can also ask for a redo by circling back to a difficult conversation where we share more vulnerably about our feelings and needs rather than casting blame. Sometimes we adults can even resolve major disputes between ourselves. Of course, both parties must be willing for such a thing to occur.
Our faith specializes in do-overs.
When we screw something up, the world tells us we are irredeemable losers. But our faith tells us that no person is irredeemable. Many times, there are opportunities to make wrong situations right again. But even when these opportunities are not available, we can still make amends, ask forgiveness, and commit ourselves to doing better in the future.
Of course, we can’t wipe out the past or pretend bad things didn’t happen. But we do get to start fresh on a partially-clean slate every day: We have a chance to try again to live into the person we want to be, and the person that our faith tells us we can be.
It’s OK to call for a do-over.
Rev. Melanie Childers is pastor of Shalom United Church of Christ in Richland. Questions and comments should be directed to editor Lucy Luginbill in care of the Tri-City Herald newsroom. Email lluginbill@tricityherald.com.