Mr Movie: ‘Fantasy Island’ not my fantasy movie

“Fantasy Island” isn’t quite what older readers will remember. It’s loosely based on the TV series that ran from 1978 to 1984. Younger readers won’t remember the series but — truthfully — most older readers would just as soon forget Ricardo Montalban’s fantasy granting Mr. Rourke and his — the plane, the plane — diminutive sidekick Herve Villechaize who played Tattoo.

The key word in the last paragraph is the movie being “loosely” based on the TV show.

It’s important to note that the Blumhouse Productions version of “Fantasy Island” is a horror movie. Some of us found the TV series from antiquity a source of horror. Not traditional horror but horrifying in the fact that it was a terrible TV show that starred a long list of horrifyingly horrible Hollywood B-grade actors and actress plopped into very predictable predicaments.

This one stars Michael Peña as Mr. Rourke. His fantasy granting involves two best buddies who want to have hot women and men for a few nights. A lady wants to have a chance to change a poor decision. Another wants vengeance against a former high school classmate. A guy who was talked out of going into the military is looking to do combat.

Instead of being fun, these fantasies involve death, and the individuals doing what they can to survive. Rourke is more of a bad guy than a good guy and keeps reminding the participants that the fantasy once started cannot be stopped. Of course they take a much different view of things

I did.

This is a totally predictable horror flick with totally predictable performances from totally predictable and mostly unknown actors and actresses doing totally predictable horror movie movements. In other words, it’s terrible.

But it’s Blumhouse and you know going in that it’s going to be an awful movie. Even if director Jeff Wadlow (“Truth or Dare,” “Kick-Ass 2”) had done a redo of the original TV show, it would have been terrible. But instead, he and his writers chose to do a horror movie.

That leads to a fantasy of mine. I’m going to have a fantasy about a horror movie, this wouldn’t be it.

▪ Rated PG-13 for mature themes and violence. It’s playing at the Fairchild Cinemas Southgate 10 and Pasco and Queensgate 12s, at the AMC Classic Kennewick 12 and at Walla Walla Grand Cinemas.

▪ Rating: 1 out of 5

This story was originally published February 14, 2020 at 12:00 AM with the headline "Mr Movie: ‘Fantasy Island’ not my fantasy movie."