How to escape high conflict and rebuild civic trust | Opinion
Our families, our churches, our states, and our nation have been ripped apart by bitter culture wars and power struggles. We can do so much better than that! Here’s how.
At the national level, we have a president who calls some people who’ve simply upheld the law “traitors to our country,” while the opposition party calls him a fascist, racist, pedophile, misogynist, and corrupt.
At the state level, gerrymandering is being used by political parties in control of state legislatures to choose their electors rather than letting the electorate choose their representatives. Christian nationalists have defied the constitutional separation of church and state, while church congregations split, longtime members quit, and pastors get fired over politics.
Families also split over politics; the share of parents who don’t care about the political party of the person who marries their children declined from 72% in 1958 to 45% in 2016.
Family members vow to get up and leave family gatherings if the conversation turns to politics. The fabric of our society is torn by conflict, and all of us are suffering the loss of friendships, fellowship, and family harmony.
Conflict is an inevitable consequence of diversity in moral values, religion, personalities, experiences, education levels, and economic resources.
How we handle conflict matters. If we address conflict by following rules of engagement and seeking understanding of what others want and value, agreements can be found that satisfy everyone.
However, if we treat a conflict as a threat to our identity and values, it escalates to become what Amanda Ripley calls High Conflict: an existential threat, a war between our good tribe and our evil opponents.
An October New York Times and Siena College survey found one in five Democrats say Trump supporters are “the enemy,” while 16% of Republicans say Harris supporters are “the enemy” – as opposed to “fellow Americans [they] disagree with politically.” Sadly, some people engaged in High Conflict resort to violence.
Like most of us, I do not like the way things are going in the United States. The consequences of High Conflict are disturbing and disheartening to me and many people I know and love.
We’ve lost trust in our neighbors, our media, our government, and for some of us, our family. A 2020 survey by More in Common found that both Democrats (96%) and Republicans (97%) overwhelmingly rejected the idea that physically attacking their political opponents would be justified in a scenario where their party’s candidate claimed the election was stolen.
Yet Republicans and Democrats believed about half of the opposing party would support physically attacking their political opponents. A 2025 survey by the American Psychological Association found that societal division is a significant source of stress in 62% of U.S. residents. So, we’re stressed, terrified and exhausted by the strife, and we’re stuck there. Does that resonate with you?
How did we get there? Social media has played a role, but Francis Fukiyama sees its origins before Facebook, beginning when political polarization increased in the 1990s, as policy differences expanded and willingness to cooperate dissipated. The algorithms of social media subsequently encouraged unfounded outrage.
Conflict entrepreneurs recognized opportunities to gain followers by peddling fear and grievance. Our curated media system left the population unprepared to question statements and therefore vulnerable to manipulation when the unregulated internet emerged.
Our two-party political system with closed primaries favored the election of extreme candidates. The statements of extremists in either party were asserted to be representative of everyone on the other side, so that everyone in the other party became demonized by association with extremists. Political elections became existential campaigns.
How can we escape High Conflict?
Amanda Ripley offers recommendations. First, check yourself for toxic behavior as a firestarter. Develop and exercise your active listening skills, and refrain from inflammatory expressions of feelings that need not be stated. (Express your feelings in writing or to someone who can handle it.)
Get depolarization skills training from Braver Angels. Be curious about those who differ from you. Seek understanding of people on the other side. As Trime Persinger says, Cross the Bridge to their world. You might find much more in common with them than you expect.
Second, recognize and avoid conflict entrepreneurs, particularly those operating in your tribe. Their jam is power, not problem solving. Even if your tribe prevails, you’re still separated from half of the population.
Third, seek Good Conflict, in which resolution is based on mutual understanding of the values and needs of others, recognizing that none of us has all the answers, and that we are all connected.
Good Conflict can accomplish great and durable change, because it’s based on mutual understanding and compromise rather than a power struggle. Rebuilding trust will take a long time. It requires courageous communication. An encouraging example is how Tri-Cities law enforcement and mental health practitioners came together to establish the Columbia Valley Center for Recovery.
Rather than engage in a culture war over the causes of drug addiction, the community formed a coalition that focuses on addressing the needs of addicted people.
So, we can escape High Conflict. And you can too.
- Retired climate scientist Steve Ghan leads the Tri-Cities Washington Chapter of Citizens Climate Lobby, guides crews that remove logs from the Pacific Crest Trail and is an officer for the Three Rivers Folklife Society.