The mental toll of the COVID-19 pandemic | Guest Opinion

The COVID-19 pandemic has brought with it many changes in everyday life. The “new normal” is frequently used when referring to these changes and the changes yet to come.

There are two important factors to consider when using this reference, however. First, things are still changing, perhaps not as rapidly as when the crisis first hit, and a new normal is yet to be defined. Thus, we are left with a feeling of general unease — a normal reaction when facing the unknown and especially the uncertain. This general uneasiness can lead to heightened stress and anxiety, commonly reported feelings during this pandemic. The second, and often forgotten point, is that as we adjust to a new normal. We must let go of, and yes, grieve, what is lost from the “old” normal.

As a psychologist who researched grief as a normal reaction to non-death losses, I know how important it is to recognize that part of what we are experiencing is grief. Although we tend to relegate grief to losing someone because of their death, grief occurs in response to other losses, as well. In fact, almost any change can result in loss. This knowledge has been with us for a long time.

As Colin Murray Parkes, one of the foremost bereavement researchers, stated in 1988, “In the ongoing flux of life, human beings undergo many changes. Arriving, departing, growing, declining, achieving, failing — every change involves a loss and a gain. The old environment must be given up, the new accepted. People come and go; one job is lost, another begun; territory and possessions are acquired or sold; new skills are learnt, old abandoned; expectations are fulfilled or hopes dashed — in all these situations, individuals are faced with the need to give up one mode of life and accept another. If they identify the change as a gain, acceptance may not be hard, but when it is a loss or a “mixed blessing,” they will do their best to resist the change. Resistance to change, the reluctance to give up possessions, people, status, expectations – this, I believe is the basis of grief.”

It is common not to recognize our feelings as grief when a non-death loss occurs. However, basic patterns and symptoms of grief are present. Grief researcher John Bowlby noted, even when variations from the typical pattern of grief occur, the basic principles are still the same — shock and/or denial, acceptance and dealing with the loss, and readjustment to life. Such reactions are simply “variations on a single theme.”

During the pandemic, we may have lost the things we are attached to or things that we are used to. Some of the most common reactions to the COVID-19 pandemic are signs of grief — fatigue, restlessness, depression, anxiety, irritability, sadness, and decrease in our cognitive capacity, such as our ability to pay attention, remember things, and make decisions.

It is important to admit, that at least for now, life as we may have known it has changed. Naming your particular losses is an important step in coping with them. I have noticed that for college students. These losses can include loss of familiar structure, campus comradery, celebration of achievements, time and space for focused studying, and identity as a college student as we once imagined.

Knowing that the reactions you are having are normal is also key. Be kind to yourself and acknowledge that the change is difficult, and that what you have given up has real value. Talk to others about your losses and theirs. The process of wrestling with the loss is important in dealing and accepting change. Acknowledge that it is intellectually and emotionally challenging work.

This story was originally published November 2, 2020 at 11:09 AM with the headline "The mental toll of the COVID-19 pandemic | Guest Opinion."