Drowning in fear? Reach for God’s hand in the ‘storm’

Twenty-five years ago, I was a Clinical Pastoral Education (CPE) student intern at the Chaplaincy learning how to do pastoral care. My very first experience of ministry is still with me, as though it happened yesterday.

I visited with a hospital patient who suffered from panic attacks. Rosie (not her real name) was an elderly, frail woman who had trouble breathing. She had chronic obstructive pulmonary disease (COPD). She had fallen at home and although she had not broken any bones, she was at risk for falling again and the hospital could not release her to live alone.

Rosie was convinced, if she could just get some sleep, she would regain her strength. Therein lay the problem. Just as she would start to nod off, a panic attack would set in. She had not slept for three days and three nights.

In conversing with Rosie, she likened her panic attacks to drowning. Her fear was so intense she was unable to move or breathe. As she lay gasping for air, the current threatened to pull her under and she feared for her life.

Her dilemma reminded me of Peter being paralyzed by fear as he tried to walk on water to be with Jesus. Rosie had not made that connection. She reached for my hand when I offered prayer.

I don’t remember the words I prayed but when I opened my eyes, I was shocked to realize Rosie had fallen asleep. I gingerly removed my hand from hers and tip-toed out of the room feeling overjoyed at having participated in a miracle.

Here I am, 25-years later, battling my own fears about the state of our country. The winds of injustice and the waves of violence look treacherous, as does the global pandemic. I too feel paralyzed as to what can I do to make things any better?

Rosie returns to minister to me.

In remembering the experience of being with Rosie, it is easy to identify the ingredients present. One key element is truth telling.

We need to own our vulnerabilities and weaknesses. This doesn’t mean we curl up in a ball and ignore reality or point the finger at who is to blame. It means we surrender our fears, lament our failures and acknowledge our powerlessness.

Like Peter, we can reach out to God to save us when the storms of life rage around us. The sea is always calm at the soul level. It is from this deeper place, we can connect and find direction.

We may be guided to get to know our neighbors who are different from us. We may be guided to write letters to shut-ins or to our elected officials. We may be guided to change careers and embark on a different journey.

Jesus’ hand is still available to us.

As Rosie so vividly demonstrated to me, only in God can my soul find rest.