Forgiveness and kindness are tools to remove a ‘wedge’

In the golden years of life, my mind often returns to the days of my childhood and the associations I enjoyed with my friends. There were five of us, true-blue friends.

Each contributed to this band of friendship with our common likes and dislikes as well as with our distinctly different personalities. While I’m sure there were feelings of contention, frustration, and even anger, those feelings seemed to quickly be forgotten with the advent of the next exciting adventure.

I now observe in my grandchildren their sudden outburst of emotion, “Mom, Susan took my toy!” that is followed by accompanying tears, by either the offender or the offended (or sometimes both). But I continue to be amazed at how quickly all is forgotten and harmony restored by a simple gesture of kindness, or the parent-inspired “I’m sorry”.

Truly, there is much we can learn from the behavior of both true friends, as well as from children, when disagreements and discord occur. Could this be what Jesus Christ wished to teach us when he uttered, “Verily I say unto you, Except ye be converted, and become as little children, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven.” (Matthew 18:3).

The story is told by Samuel T. Whitman of a young boy, who, upon finding an old “fellers wedge” used to split logs, placed it between two limbs of a young walnut tree before running to his mother’s call to dinner. As the years passed, both the boy and tree grew. When the boy graduated high school the tree had begun to grow around the wedge. At the time of his wedding the wedge was half visible. By the time he had taken over the farm, the wedge had been swallowed up in the tree.

The tree was large and beautiful when the ice storm came, but the weakness caused by the wedge prevented the three main limbs of the tree from withstanding the power of the storm. The farmer was saddened to see the once beautiful tree split to the ground with the old “fellers wedge” laying amidst the broken limbs. The hidden wedge had proved a source of weakness in the tree’s ability to develop strong limbs.

Being willing to forgive and forget offenses is truly the essence of humanity and the foundation upon which enduring peace is built.

Whether it is between individuals or family members, relationships matter. Between friends or strangers, kindness matters.

When we are willing to be forgiving, even when apologies are not forthcoming, we remove the hidden wedge of a harbored grudge. Such wedge will weaken us until it becomes an all consuming canker that robs us of our peace and happiness.

Where do hidden wedges originate?

Some come from unresolved disputes which lead to ill feelings, followed by remorse and regret. Others find their beginnings in disappointments, jealousies, arguments and imagined hurts. We must resolve them—lay them to rest and not leave them to canker, fester, and ultimately destroy.

Jesus Christ is the perfect example of kindness and forgiveness. Though he was hated and despised, yet he showed kindness to all and gave service to those who needed his help. Though he was hung on a cross, his dying words were, “Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do.” (Luke 23:34)

Did he not teach us that in order for us to receive forgiveness we must be willing to forgive others? Only forgiveness heals.

George Herbert, an early 17th century poet, wrote these lines: “He that cannot forgive others, breaks the bridge over which he himself must pass if he would ever reach heaven; for everyone has need to be forgiven.”