The #1 Thing to Do for Dog Separation Anxiety Destructive Behavior
Separation anxiety can be painful for both humans and pets-and sometimes for your home, too. From chewed-up shoes to scratched doors and destroyed furniture, the aftermath of a dog's panic can be overwhelming and it can be difficult to know what to do next. That's where expert guidance matters.
Bridget Murphy, CEO of Koru K9 Dog Training, regularly works with pet parents whose dogs become destructive when left alone and says its something a lot of dog owners deal with. "The destruction is a byproduct of a dog panicking, driven by instinctual behavior and stress," Murphy explains. "Dogs will often target doors, crates or windows because they're trying to escape and get back to safety."
She emphasizes that dog separation anxiety destructive behavior isn't disobedience. "True separation anxiety doesn't mean your dog is ‘being bad,'" she explains. "Their behavior is a cry for help and a symptom of a deeper problem."
But you may be at a loss on what to do when your dog is destructive if they act out as a result of missing you. Murphy shares the number one thing to do, along with step-by-step strategies and key mistakes to avoid. That way you can know how to stop your dog from destroying things.
Related: 10 Signs Your Dog Is Happy, Relaxed and Trusts You, According to a Trainer
What Is Dog Separation Anxiety?
Separation is a panic response that some dogs experience when left alone or when they are not with a particular person. Murphy shares the common symptoms of separation anxiety in dogs include:
Murphy says it's super important to get to the root of these symptoms if you want to help your pup overcome destructive dog behaviors. She says people often mistake pet separation anxiety for other issues. Murphy stresses that it doens't include a dog with occasional misbehavior or a calm dog who chews something when you are gone every so often.
"Many times, dogs are labeled as anxious when they are actually just bored, under-structured or never taught how to be alone," Murphy explains. "If your dog can settle when you're not there, you're likely not dealing with true separation anxiety."
But what can you do if your dog does have separation anxiety and is destroying things? Scroll on to see.
Related: 7 Phrases a Trainer Says Can Instantly Boost Your Dog's Mood
The #1 Thing To Do When Your Dog Gets Destructive
What's a separation anxiety solution for dogs who are destructive? "The best thing you can do when a dog destroys things due to separation anxiety is to focus on desensitization and counterconditioning," Murphy says. Murphy explains that desensitization and counterconditioning is trainer speak for gradually exposing your dog to being alone in a controlled way while pairing it with positive experiences. "The goal is to change how your dog feels about being alone, not just stop the behavior itself," Murphy says. That way, your pup won't feel sad or upset or confused when you leave.
Desensitization and counterconditioning aren't just one thing you can do one time, though. "This process requires patience," Murphy says. "Separation anxiety doesn't resolve overnight, and rushing it will only set you back-steady, consistent progress is what leads to real change."
How To Desensitize and Countercondition a Dog
Working through separation anxiety with a dog is a practice in patience and prioritizing progress over perfection. To help, Murphy shares eight steps for desensitizing and counterconditioning a dog whose separation anxiety has become destructive. But remember, your dog's vet can refer you to a trainer and offer more personalized advice if you need them to.
1. Start with structure and routine
Murphy says a predictable structure and routine are critical for dogs, especially anxious ones who do best when they know what to expect. Murphy suggests creating a predictable daily schedule for your dog with regular feeding times, walks, training and rest.
"Consistency in their daily life helps lower their overall stress levels before you even begin working on the separation itself," she says. "It helps lower your dog's baseline anxiety so they're in a better state to learn."
2. Prioritize rest and decompression
Murphy says not getting enough rest is an often-overlooked trigger for separation anxiety.
"Dogs that are overtired or constantly overstimulated stay in a heightened state of stress, so making sure your dog is getting enough quality rest is part of the treatment, not an afterthought," she says. "Make sure your dog is getting enough quality sleep and isn't constantly overstimulated. A regulated nervous system is critical before you start working on alone time."
3. Begin desensitization in small increments
It is understandable to want to nip a dog's separation anxiety in the bud ASAP, especially when it gets destructive. But Murphy says it's so important to go slowly-small steps add up.
"Start with very short, manageable periods of separation that your dog can handle without stress," Murphy says. "The goal is to keep your dog calm and successful, not to 'push through' anxiety."
4. Pair being alone with positive experiences
Dogs link "being alone" with "panic." This is where the counterconditioning comes in.
"Use food, enrichment or calm rewards during these short absences so your dog begins to associate alone time with something good," Murphy advises. "This is where the emotional shift starts to happen."
5. Gradually increase duration
As you notice signs that your dog is getting more comfortable with solo time, you can slowly extend how long you're gone. This step is highly personal.
"Progress should be gradual and based on your dog staying calm-not on a fixed timeline," Murphy stresses.
6. Incorporate confidence-building training
This one may seem off the beaten path, but Murphy says confidence-building training is important.
"Incorporating confidence-building training can also make a big difference," she notes. "Teaching your dog how to earn rewards, problem-solve and navigate challenges helps them feel more in control, which reduces anxiety overall."
7. Use exercise intentionally
Murphy advises dog parents dealing with separation anxiety to incorporate moderate, structured exercise to help regulate their dog's energy and stress levels.
"Moderate, structured movement can help regulate your dog's nervous system by releasing feel-good chemicals in the brain, similar to a runner's high in humans," Murphy explains.
But there's a time and a place for walks. You might want to "tire your dog out" right before you leave, but Murphy says that strategy can backfire.
"Avoid overdoing it right before departures, which can sometimes increase arousal."
8. Stay patient and consistent
Rome wasn't built in a day, and neither will your dog's comfort with time away from you.
"Progress with separation anxiety takes time," Murphy reminds us. "Staying consistent and not rushing the process is what leads to lasting change."
Related: 7 Dog Breeds That Are Perfect for Small Yards
Trainer Tips for Dog Separation Anxiety
Besides counter-conditioning and desensitization, Murphy shares that there are three other important tools you can use to treat separation anxiety in your dog.
1. Manage the environment
You want to set your dog up for success by limiting access to areas that trigger anxiety. Murphy says front doors and windows are biggies.
"This helps prevent rehearsal of destructive behaviors while you're actively training," Murphy notes. "Crate training goes a long way with dogs that have separation anxiety as well."
2. Practice neutral departures and arrivals
We get it. You want to give the biggest kisses on your way out and do a full-body dance and zip around your home with your dog when you reunite. But for dogs with separation anxiety, these hellos and good-byes can only make things worse. Instead, she suggests calm and low-key exits and returns to avoid sending your pup on an emotional rollercoaster. Over time, Murphy says it can reduce the intensity of the trigger (you leaving).
3. Consider professional guidance
You are not "failing" if you struggle to treat your dog's separation anxiety all by yourself.
"Severe separation anxiety can be complex, and having a structured plan from a trainer can make a significant difference," Murphy says. "The right guidance helps you avoid setbacks and move forward more efficiently."
What Not To Do If Your Dog Has Destructive Separation Anxiety
Murphy shares that some pet parents accidentally make separation anxiety worse. Some of the most common mistakes she sees people make when trying to treat their dog's separation anxiety include:
- Forced exposure. Avoid leaving your dog alone for longer than they can handle without a plan in place. Murphy says it can just overwhelm your pup and reinforce the anxiety.
- Overusing punishment. Ugh-your dog attacked your window (again). It's frustrating. And? "Scolding a dog for being scared doesn't teach them anything and can increase their stress," Murphy warns.
- Relying only on reassurance. On the opposite end of the spectrum, Murphy says pet parents try their best to tell their dog it'll be OK. But she says this approach, however well-meaning, also usually falls short when treating a dog's separation anxiety. "Comfort has its place, but it doesn't teach your dog how to cope independently," Murphy says.
"Without a clear, intentional plan, these approaches can easily backfire and make the problem worse instead of better," Murphy says.
Instead, try desensitization and counterconditioning to treat your dog's separation anxiety, and reach out to a trainer for personalized support.
Source:
- Bridget Murphy, the CEO of Koru K9 Dog Training
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This story was originally published May 27, 2026 at 3:10 AM.