The Right Thing: Are you just paying for service, or for attention too?

When you pay for a personal service, are you only buying the result? Or are you also buying attention from the provider while it's happening?

A reader from California, whom I'm calling J.J., believes the answer is obvious. If someone is cutting your hair, treating an injury or doing your nails, they should focus on you, not chatting with coworkers.

Is it wrong, J.J. asked in an email, to feel that not focusing on the customer is rude and unprofessional?

J.J. does have a point. In such personal services where human physical contact is essential, you are paying for competent, safe and professional service. That should include enough attention to do the job well and respond to your needs. If distractions affect the provider's work, that's not acceptable.

We should not, however, expect that our providers will engage in lively conversation. Some clients want chatter while others crave silence. A good service provider often will try to gauge a client's preference. They might even ask. But just because they don't engage in conversation while doing good work doesn't violate any rules.

Chatting nonstop with a coworker, however, rather than paying attention to a client may send a message to the client that you're not paying attention to him or her or them, even if the provider does an OK job. When someone has a scissors or a straight razor working in the vicinity of your head, it's fair to expect their undivided attention. A quick exchange with a co-worker is OK. Engaging in a heated discussion as if the client is invisible goes too far.

If J.J. wants more engagement, he should say so. If he prefers to be told about the work the provider is doing, it's OK and good for him to indicate such. If he prefers quiet, it's OK for him to tell the provider that. He should not, however, expect the provider to read his mind.

A provider should not be expected to entertain his or her clients, but they should be expected to acknowledge the person in their chair. Some eye contact, occasional check-ins, or a brief explanation of the work being done might show respect without slowing down the work.

In the end, you're paying for a service. But you're also paying to be treated like you matter-at least a little-while it's happening. That doesn't require constant conversation, but it does require some awareness.

Ultimately, clients such as J.J. have a right to choose service providers based on whether the service they receive is the type of service they want. If someone gets a great haircut but can't stand how he's treated while in the barber's chair, he's unlikely to return. Some clients stay loyal to a barber or a therapist for years based on the quality of service. Some move on after a single visit because of how off-putting they found it.

Finding someone who provides a comfortable level of attention can build loyalty and trust. Total absence of attention is unlikely to do either. It's fair to judge a service, particularly a hands-on type of service, on more than just results.

The right thing is to tell your service provider what you want. If he or she can't deliver, then find someone who can.

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This story was originally published April 14, 2026 at 1:22 AM.