Here's one way to get your face on "Jimmy Kimmel Live!"
Stand in front of your local city commission and make a case for legalizing genital massages.
Mention naked people being rubbed, proctologist exams and "happy endings."
Read the speech from a piece of paper because you want to be very exact when you argue that "if a grown adult wants a (bleep) job and another grown adult is willing to give one for money, then let them. That's both freedom and capitalism, and that's the foundation of our country."
Feel free to skip waving an American flag.
Chris Flowers gave that speech at the Lawrence City Commission meeting on June 19, and people across the country, including late-night host Jimmy Kimmel, have watched it.
On his show Monday, Kimmel called it "maybe the best local city council meeting speech ever."
People are quoting his speech on Twitter, where one person refers to Flowers as the "genital massage guy in Kansas."
The speech is racking up guffaws on radio station websites and at Vice, which wrote that Flowers "manages to bring the whole thing together in a brilliant conclusion that speaks to the very essence of what our country stands for ...
"Thanks for your valued commitment to the community, Chris."
Flowers is a familiar face at the commission's meetings, according to one council member.
Legalizing genital massage was not an agenda item at the meeting. Flowers spoke when city leaders considered a new draft of an ordinance to regulate massage therapists in the college town, according to the Lawrence Journal-World.
Kansas is one of three states that leaves the responsibility of regulating the massage industry to local governments, the Journal-World reports.
Two years ago Douglas County District Attorney Charles Branson asked for new licensing rules out of concern that massage parlors were being used as human trafficking operations.
Flowers apparently shares that concern.
"if licenses and regulations help stop sex trafficking, and if Kansas truly wanted to put an end to sex slavery, shouldn't they allow grown adults to engage in prostitution legally, and then regulate and license that?" he argued.
"When you ban something outright, that forces what you ban onto the black market, and the black market is where shady stuff starts happening."
He gave a personal example, revealing that "many years ago" he and a buddy smoked some weed that turned out to be laced.
But ever since Colorado legalized pot, "and now a lot of it around here comes from dispensaries in Colorado," you hardly ever hear about laced pot anymore, he said.
"I say the same basics apply to prostitution," said Flowers. "If prostitution was legalized and reasonably regulated, then most people would rather deal with a legitimate licensed prostitute than have to deal with pimps and potential sex slaves.
"So I propose this: The city allows for licensed masseurs to give genital massages, if the masseur and the client both agree to it.
"We let someone get naked and have every other part of their body touched and rubbed by a massage therapist — hell we let proctologists spend their day fingering men ... "
Kimmel, who showed clips from the speech, all but nominated Flowers as "our next Supreme Court justice nominee."
"Who said millennials don't care about politics anymore?" the comedian said. "This young man found an issue that moved him, an injustice that he felt compelled to do something about. and so he stood up and rallied members of the community behind him, and we're all now richer for it.
"God bless America, everybody."