Light Notes

Mommy's got a wide load

KENNEWICK — When little kids spit out a mouthful, it’s sometimes enough to sour an adult’s day.

I remembered this truth recently when a friend posted a parent-child scenario — one that would make most mothers choke.

“Trying to find humor in my 3-year old son's innocence,” Kellee explained as she wrote about her toddler’s remark: “Hey mom, why is your bottom so big?”


Kellee’s wretched moment spread faster than curdled milk on the news feed. Within minutes, another mom told how her son used to pretend to have a “Wide Load” sign when he tagged along behind her.

Like many others commiserating on her post, I couldn’t help but hark back to the time when I was babysitting my then 5-year old grandson, Justin, while his mom ran a few errands nearby.

We’d been strolling through the shopping mall when a chic dress caught my eye. I’d quickly gauged how much time it would take for me to slip it on vs. the patience of a child.

Hurriedly, I grabbed the hanger, and we whisked into the department store dressing room. It was there that my grandson made this astute observation.

“Grandma,” Justin announced loudly after watching me from the corner, “you’re going to have a baby, aren’t you!”

As I struggled into the outfit, I laughed at his comment, “No, Justin! I’m not going to have a baby!”

He digested the news for a moment and then abruptly spit out these words, “Uh huh! My mommy’s tummy looks like that and she’s going to have a baby.”

Oh, out of the mouths of babes.

Now, here it is 17 years later and I’m at my pregnancy weight — and no baby to birth. From what I can see on the bathroom scales, I’ve gained a pound a year.

Sigh. I need to do something.

Well, I’ll start by keeping my distance from kids. Their truthful remarks just might make me sick.