I wouldn't trade my handyman | Tri-City Herald

There are men who are born with a mechanical aptitude.

They leap from the womb with a wrench in one hand and their umbilical cord in the other and shout, “Wait! I can fix it!” Obviously, they’ve just spent nine months in the womb tinkering with the plumbing.

But then there are male babies who arrive on the scene, look closely at the doctor’s tray of gadgets and wail, “Help!” These are the boys who spend their time in vitro counting their fingers and toes in preparation for adding up what they’ll spend for repairs someday.

I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s nice to be married to a man who knows a sprocket from a locket. But it’s more fun listening to a story told by a guy whose idea of a neat tool is a Braun electric toothbrush.

Women, especially, love these tales and can’t wait to share them at their book group because 1) they haven’t read the book, and 2) real life trumps anything a writer could make up.

I am not making this up:

A male friend of ours — whose name I have stricken from the record — bought a very pricey vehicle. This magnificent new automobile practically drove itself.

As our friend rode around town, a huge instrument panel illuminated his face as he smiled into his rear view mirror. Yes, his electric toothbrush was a testament to his skill with machinery.

But then somewhere around the third day after leaving the dealership driveway, our friend’s brand new car quit. Right there in the middle of Main Street, USA, this shiny foreign-born sedan took the Fifth and all proceeding came to a halt.

Furious enough to sue, the owner called the guilty party who’d sold him the car.

Indeed, they’d arrange to have it towed.

Certainly, they would figure out what was wrong.

Well, yes, there may be some expense involved.

The jury was out on who would pay for this repair.

Then came the summons to pick up his vehicle. The auto dealership had discovered the problem; the verdict was in.

Indeed, the car was running well.

Thankfully, it was a simple fix.

And, sir, you do need to put gas in the tank.

As I mentioned earlier, some are born with it. Some are not.