Light Notes

Busted by the underwear police

HOPE, Idaho — It’s probably not a good idea to air one’s personal laundry — dirty or not. But vacationing with relatives has been quite revealing — especially for me.

The eye-opener happened while we were vacationing at the Pend Oreille Shores Resort. Daughter Tiffany and her clan decided to join us for a weekend of family togetherness — some of it a bit more than expected.

The revelation happened after a strenuous 25-yard hike to the espresso stand. Steaming latte’ in hand, I’d just slipped out of my winter outerwear when Tiffany opened my bedroom door.

“Mom!” she grimaced as she caught me in full view. “Look at your long johns! I can’t believe you’re still wearing those old things!”

I glanced down at my tattered silk underwear flapping in the breeze, the result of her abrupt entry. Caught with gossamer threads clinging to my legs, I was the picture of what one shouldn’t wear.

“You’ve had those long johns since I was in high school and we skied together!” she said in a shocked voice. “And you, the fashionista of the slopes!”

That was then. This is now.

“You don’t have to take that ‘holey-er than thou’ tone with me,” I joked as I mentally noted that no one could at the moment. “I was going to buy new ones, but your Dad says I never go outside in the winter.”

Tiffany eyed me with a frown and said, “Well, just know that if we do leave the lodge for the ‘bunny hill,’ you’re not riding in the car with us. Remember what you’ve always said about nice underwear and car accidents. And believe me, we’re not taking any chances!”

By the time she finished her lecture, I’d whisked off the offending shreds of fabric and donned my comfy flannel PJs for the evening.

“Hey, those are cute!” Tiffany remarked as she came closer.

“Really? They’re from Eddie Bauer,” I said as I zipped the matching chenille jacket and headed for the fireplace. “I got them on sale after Christmas.”

“Wait a minute. What does it say all over the pants?” she asked as she leaned to scrutinize the multiple bright red inscriptions.

There was a moment of stunned silence.

“Ski Colorado? Take a break from the summit?” Her voice broke with laughter at the discovery. “Oh Mom, you know you never go skiing anymore.”

Well, of course not. Clearly it’s too dangerous to leave the resort in my long johns.