Light Notes

Here iAm struggling with my iPhone

iHave an iPhone and iAm in a state of confusion.

My muddled mind appeared quite unexpectedly this week. It was prettily wrapped in very small package that sat upon my laptop computer. Intrigued, I opened it.

There sat the iPhone I had longed for — an early birthday gift. But how was I to know it was Pandora’s Box?

This cute technical wonder has taken my personally organized world and run off into the Internet, leaving me in a cloud of anxiety.

Gone are my friends who were listed in my telephone contacts the way I — and that’s with a CAPITAL — could remember them. Now the iPhone address book has alphabetized by last name leaving me with a lot of folks named “cell.”

Even my daughters have disappeared, but they’re probably enjoying the quiet while their mother frantically searches for their phone numbers.

Just hunting with a gentle touch of my finger sends me flying into unknown territory. Without warning, iFind myself viewing the Dow Jones and the NASDAQ — as if i weren’t depressed enough already.

Undeniably, the iPhone has put me in my place. iAm lost in the iGeneration’s neighborhood. And even though my iPhone has MapQuest, i don’t know how to use it to get home.

Yesterday, i found my way to the Help Desk at the local iPhone store, hoping to connect with a person who could enlighten me.

“Excuse me, young man,” I said wearily. “i need the directions for operating this iPhone. I couldn’t find them anywhere in the box i received.”

“Oh, I’m sorry, ma’am,” he replied, as I shuddered at his reference to me. “There are way too many instructions to include with this tiny gadget. You’ll have to go on the Internet to find out how to use it.”

My fingers began to twitch as I clutched my iPhone. There had to be a better way to bring clarity to this situation.

“I need help! Luv gma.”

Any moment I expect to hear from 5-year old Hailey.