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Things I have learned as a parent

1. My couch cushions will never be the same.

a. Couch cushions are overrated -- when you are really tired you hardly notice they are missing.

2. Chapstick functions just fine when the lid is crammed full of the stuff.

a. Scooping it out only creates room for more mushed up stuff inside the lid. You run out quicker.

3. Spots on your nicest outfits aren’t usually *that* noticeable.

a. People are really nice and don’t generally comment on spots. The mean ones comment -- avoid them in the future.

4. Fruit snacks for breakfast may just keep your sanity for that drive in to work.

a. No one has to know.

5. People who don’t have kids don’t like to hear about BM stories.

a. Too bad.

6. Carrying an extra pair of kids’ underwear in your purse is completely normal.

a. Eating a bag of fruit snacks found in your purse while hunting for the extra pair of underwear results in addition of zero calories.

7. I will never ever be able to ask my son to feed the fish.

a. The fish net must always stay on the top shelf out of reach.

8. Hot dogs really aren’t evil. They count as a serving as meat.

a. I can pretty easily get past everything I swore I would never do when I had kids.

9. If one child likes something, invariably the other will not. It is law, and there is no getting around it.

a. Keeping track of who likes what really is hard. My mom wasn’t joking or losing her mind.

10. Parenting is painful.

a. Want a mole or skin tag removed? Forget the dermatologist, enlist the help of your toddler. They are goal-oriented and it may take a few days or grabbing and pinching, but their fingernails will eventually win. (Clean well after surgery.)

Help me add to my list -- what have you come to accept as a parent?