Moment(s) of truth

It's been three months since my NED (no evidence of disease) ruling, which means it's time to make sure everything is still cancer-free.

A few days ago, I got my 90-day CT scan, and next week I get a PET scan. Between the two, my doc will get a pretty good idea of what is - and isn't - going on inside my body.

As this is the first check since the NED, a lot of thoughts and concerns are swirling around in my head, as well as those of my family.

-- On one hand, I want to know whether the cancer is still at bay.

-- On the other hand, I am scared to find out if it has returned - and what that means to my future.

-- On the third hand, if it has returned, I'd rather find out about it now and deal with it, rather than discover it down the road when it has developed into something nastier - again.

-- On the fourth hand, there's little I can do to control the results, so I don't want to worry about it too much.

-- On the fifth hand ... well, I've run out of hands.