With so many young, beautiful and — emphasis here — “talented” actresses available, why cast Kristen Stewart as Snow White?
Here’s why I ask. Mirror, mirror on the wall is the most famous 'Snow White' line of all. Unfortunately, Snow White and the Huntsman uses it. Badly. Charlize Theron’s wicked queen, Ravenna, stares into the golden mirror and out comes a golden being who says she is no longer the fairest and most beautiful in the land.
Theron is gorgeous. Liquid eyes, slightly upturned nose, perfect cheekbones and lips and a to-die-for body. Topping that is a tall order. The plot says Stewart’s Snow White is the one.
Kristen Stewart? The fairest one of all? She’s girl-next-door attractive. Yes. But really. Twilight’s pedophile vampire Edward may have the hots for her, however, in a pure, who’s hot and who’s not contest, Theron is a slam-dunk winner.
And when it comes to acting, though you don’t get much evidence in Snow White and the Huntsman, Theron is also a very good, and she’s an Oscar-winning actress (2003’s Monster).
In the category of acting skill, Stewart gets by. Barely.
Before you haul your younger kids off to this one, Snow White and the Huntsman has more in common with the gritty, The Lord of the Rings than Disney’s sanitized classic animated feature. If you have to narrow it down to an exact definition, Snow White and the Huntsman is much closer to horror than anything.
It’s an ugly movie. Dark. Violent. And no fun at all.
Ravenna is a witch who tricks Snow White’s daddy into marrying her. Then she kills him and imprisons the girl in a tower until she’s of age. To stay young, Ravenna sucks the youth out of young women. The mirror tells her she’ll never have to do that again and will stay young forever if she consumes Snow White’s heart.
Just before her heart is to be gobbled up by Ravenna, Snow White escapes and ends up in the dark woods, a place of demons and horror. Chris Hemsworth’s (Thor, The Avengers) Huntsman — no other name, just Huntsman — is sent to find her but rescues Snow White instead. From there the chase is on; a chase that leads them to the seven dwarfs and ultimately the long, impossible but predictable battle to the polish off with the wicked queen.
Theron is a more than competent actress, and leaving out Stewart and Hemsworth who aren’t that talented, Snow White and the Huntsman features a great ensemble cast. The seven dwarfs are played by some of the industry’s best character actors. Among them are Bob Hoskins, Ian McShane, Toby Jones and Ray Winstone.
This film makes all of them look as amateur as the dialogue done by three incompetent screenwriters. The script is choppy, cliche and in spots just plain lame. Theron gets three types of scenes. She shouts, she melts down or she zones out. None work. And the guys playing the dwarfs — who aren’t really little people — must be paid by the line. Some of their dialogue serves no purpose other than to give their characters a line in the movie.
Then you move to first-time director Rupert Sanders. Like casting Stewart as the fairest one of all, giving a first time director — someone with zero experience in anything movie related — a major motion picture makes no sense. Sanders has won oodles of awards doing commercials and promotions. His effects are terrific, but what film today doesn’t have terrific effects?
You tell the story of a commercial in 30-seconds or most promotion videos are 1-5 minutes. Doing a major motion picture is a whole other world. And Sanders has no clue how to tell a such a long — and actually not very good — story, or what to do with a very talented cast.
Snow White and the Huntsman is in serious need of a dollop or two of humor and that fun sense of high adventure. It gets neither. This is a straight ahead, two-hour drama with a question mark ending.
The Twilight series is almost complete. Stewart is available. After seeing this is anyone but me thinking sequel?
I promised myself I would not compare Snow White and the Huntsman to last winter’s Julia Roberts flick Mirror Mirror. It’s not really fair. Though they essentially tell the same story, they’re very different movies. For one Mirror Mirror never takes itself seriously.
Roberts — unlike Theron — has a lot of fun as the wicked queen and that fun is sprinkled throughout the movie and it is — indeed and of the two — the fairest one of all.
Director: Rupert Sanders
Stars: Kristen Stewart, Chris Hemsworth, Charlize Theron, Ian McShane, Bob Hoskins, Ray Winstone, Nick Frost, Eddie Marsan, Toby Jones
Mr. Movie rating: 3 stars
Rated PG-13 for mature themes, violence. It is playing at the Carmike 12, the Fairchild Cinemas 12 and Walla Walla Grand Cinemas.
5 stars to 4 1/2 stars: Must see on the big screen
4 stars to 3 1/2 stars: Good film, see it if it's your type of movie.
3 stars to 2 1/2 stars: Wait until it comes out on video.
2 stars to 1 star: Don't bother.
0 stars: Speaks for itself.