Mr. Movie

'What's Your Number?' Dumb question, dumber movie

Anna Faris is the insecure Ally Darling, and relationships never seem to work out for her.

On her way home after just being fired from a job — and just before the pathetic Ally ends up sleeping with the boss that fired her — she reads an article about the number of lovers women have for their entire life.

-- Local show times, theaters, trailer.

The magazine’s theory? Any more than 20 and you’re toast. Real love will pass you by forever.

After sleeping with the the ex-boss, Ally’s number hits 20. Determined not to exceed it, she works a deal with across-the-hall neighbor Chris Evans’ Colin to track down her ex-lovers in order to make one of them her permanent guy.

Plopped into the middle of the plot is Ally’s sister’s wedding, the predictable head-butting relationship with Blythe Danner’s meddling, controlling mom and — of course — the even more predictable romance with Colin.

What’s Your Number? never really gets focused. It gets so lost that the two-hour length seems like three. Even in bad movies you can usually find a plus or two. There are none here. You have to go a long, long way to make a worse rom-com than Sarah Jessica Parker’s I Don’t Know How She Does It.

What’s Your Number? gives you a one-year dose of cliche romantic comedy relationship scenarios all in one movie. That could be good news. For the rest of this year and into next you can skip the rom-coms and can actually scratch the Parker movie off of your “must-see” list.

Anchoring the agony is Faris (the Scary Movies, Yogi Bear, House Bunny). I didn’t think it possible that anyone could do a voice more irritating than the afore mentioned Parker. Faris manages. Line after line Faris scrunches up her face and whines them out in an irksome grind.

Blah.

To Faris’ credit, she and her co-stars fall victim to two television screenwriters and a TV-only director.

How bad is it? The film is based on Karyn Bosnak’s novel 20 Times a Lady published in 2006. One of Ally’s lovers is a black man working for a senator in Washington D.C. He’s a rising political star, interested in marrying Ally and notes that there’s never been a black president. That’s his goal.

They actually left the line from the pre-Obama book in the script.

What is What’s Your Number’s? number? An algebraic formula explains it best. BE (bad editing)+ BS (perfect initials for bad script) - BM (even more perfect initials for bad movie) = MMR (Mr. Movie rating).

Total: Zero.

Mr. Movie rating: 0 stars

Rated R for mature themes, language, brief nudity. It opens Friday at Regal’s Columbia Center 8, the Fairchild Cinemas 12 and at the Grand Cinemas Walla Walla.

5 stars to 4 1/2 stars: Must see on the big screen

4 stars to 3 1/2 stars: Good film, see it if it's your type of movie.

3 stars to 2 1/2 stars: Wait until it comes out on video.

2 stars to 1 star: Don't bother.

0 stars: Speaks for itself.

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