Mr. Movie

'Ghosts of Girlfriends Past' hauntingly familiar

Matthew McConaughey — who else? — is Connor Mead, a womanizing misogynist.

To the jet-setting and successful portrait photographer, every woman is a potential conquest, and he has hundreds of girlfriends past and present. The guy is a total lowlife and thinks nothing of breaking up with several girlfriends at a time via video conference call.

This Connor contends, is respect.

Dragged by guilt to his brother’s wedding, Connor believes the wedding feast consists of the three sexy bridesmaids and the stunning beauty of his brother’s future mother-in-law. The only problem? A twinge of guilt he gets from Jennifer Garner’s (Juno) Jenny Perotti who triples as bride’s maid, wedding planner and the only woman Connor ever loved.

Connor was raised and trained by his womanizing Uncle Wayne. Michael Douglas plays his ghost. He and the beautiful Anne Archer as the mother-in-law are the film’s only interesting characters. A visit by Wayne in the men’s room tells Connor that he needs to change.

Ghosts past, present and future then pay predictable visits.

The “comic” consequences of his life are unveiled by Connor’s first conquest, his anxious assistant and a gorgeous ghost that never speaks.

The point: the grass is never greener and true love never dies. Or something like that. All that matters to you is that all ends in happily-ever-after territory.

Not only does Ghosts of Girlfriends Past rip off Charles Dickens’ 1843 classic A Christmas Carol, but it shamelessly rips off all of the films and TV specials that have also ripped off his brilliant, metaphor-filled story.

To figure out why this version completely sucks, the producers deserve their own visit of the ghosts of A Christmas Carol flops past, present and future.

Hopefully that visit won’t end in happily-ever-after-territory.

Mr. Movie rating: 1 stars

Rated PG-13 for mature themes. It opens Friday, May 1 at the Carmike 12 and at the Fairchild Cinemas 12.

5 stars to 4 1/2 stars: Must see on the big screen

4 stars to 3 1/2 stars: Good film, see it if it's your type of movie.

3 stars to 2 1/2 stars: Wait until it comes out on video.

2 stars to 1 star: Don't bother.

0 stars: Speaks for itself.