Mr. Movie

Jason being Jason in 'Friday the 13th'

Two unfortunate groups of young people get too close to Camp Crystal Lake get jabbed, stabbed, slammed, slashed and pruned by Jason Voorhees.

That’s about it. You’ve already been there—done that.

The first group is on a trek to harvest a marijuana crop who are—in turn—harvested by Jason. A second group includes the estranged brother of a woman from the first. He hooks up with a group of party animals led by a snobby, rich jerk.

The last time we saw Friday the 13th’s Jason he was fighting The Nightmare on Elm Street’s Freddy in a battle to the death. These characters—of course—never die. There’s too much money in the 10 zillion sequels.

Before that Jason was in space. Jason has risen from the dead numerous times and has been to hell. While dead, he escaped from a morgue. Jason went on a killing spree in New York City and met his end in that film drowning in sewage. One time he learned how to transport his personality from person to person and kill in the form of others. According to his biography, Jason has even been sentenced to death by the government.

The guy gets around.

In researching the many Jason movies, and the Michael Myers and Freddy flicks and the dozen other weapon-wielding psychopaths, one thing struck me. The producers of these franchises are incredibly creative and the ways they have brought their fiends back to life are impressive. The sheer volume of movies devoted to the genre is staggering.

Volume and creativity is one thing, a reason to see the movies is another. It’s hard to fathom why some of you love chop and slash films. Friends who are fans tell me it’s the creative killing and the intense shots of characters alone in a shed or a building unaware that they’ll soon be chopped liver. Others like the gratuitous nudity.

I still don’t get it. Probably never will.

Even hardcore fans will struggle with this version of Friday the 13th. There is absolutely no—dare I say—creativity here. It’s so boring and so badly done that you don’t even see the first guy die.

I’m convinced part of the reason the film lacks the originality of its cousins is a rush to get this piece of crap in theaters on one of this year’s three Friday the 13ths.

Mr. Movie rating: 1/2 star

Rated R for gore, nudity and language. It opens Friday, Feb. 13 at Regal’s Columbia Mall 8 and at Fairchild Cinemas 12.

5 stars to 4 1/2 stars: Must see on the big screen

4 stars to 3 1/2 stars: Good film, see it if it's your type of movie.

3 stars to 2 1/2 stars: Wait until it comes out on video.

2 stars to 1 star: Don't bother.

0 stars: Speaks for itself.

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