Mr. Movie

'Star Wars: The Clone Wars' bores

A long time ago in a galaxy not so far, far away, a lot of us quit caring about George Lucas and Star Wars.

The Phantom Menace in 1999 proved that the Force is no longer with Lucas.

Though the franchise’s fans faithfully attended and paid their box office tithes, episodes I, II and III were an absolute bore and may have forever ruined one of the greatest sci-fi movie concepts of all time.

By the end of Episode III: Revenge of the Sith even Lucas had to know it is time to tuck away the light saber and head for hyperspace.

Yet Lucas can’t seem to let it go. He is like a preacher with a four-point sermon on Sunday’s second service. The fourth time through point four and you’ve zonked out.

Enough — George — please.

Star Wars: The Clone Wars central dilemma is Jabba the Hutt’s kid getting kidnapped by Count Dooku. Anakin Skywalker and Obi-Wan Kenobi must save him — it — and keep Dooku from pinning the blame for the kidnap on them.

Lucas also introduces a new character, a Padawan learner, or for those not up to date on Star Wars' terminology, she’s a Jedi apprentice. Ashoka Tano is a cardboard clone of every young girl cartoon channel character ever done.

But everything else about Star Wars: The Clone Wars is total TV so why not her? There’s a reason. The film is really parts one through three of Lucas’ new TV kiddy cartoon show. And it looks it.

Lucas picked Dave Filoni to supervise the TV series and direct this movie. He likes this guy’s style? What style? Filoni turns the heads of Anakin Skywalker, Obi-Wan Kenobi and the rest of the humans into something resembling blocks of wood.

When you have the worst dialogue this side of Dagoba — if you don’t know ask Yoda — having it come from blocks of wood makes sense.

And remind me again. Which characters are the clones?

Rated PG for mature themes. It opens today at the Columbia Mall 8.

Mr. Movie rating: 1 star

5 stars to 4 1/2 stars: Must see on the big screen

4 stars to 3 1/2 stars: Good film, see it if it's your type of movie.

3 stars to 2 1/2 stars: Wait until it comes out on video.

2 stars to 1 star: Don't bother.

0 stars: Speaks for itself

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