Once again, I am offering my services to the Washington Dope Department. The federal Department of Justice has declared cannabis illegal. These terms have led to much discussion and confusion among the dope department staff. I believe I can help them understand that contradiction without unusual delay.
My qualifications include reading at college level, a class in phonetics, and library 101. My report would be one page plus 2,599 pages of references. As a special service, the report would be printed on museum matted cannabis leaves. It would be presented to the department during their monthly mushroom and peyote round table meeting in the Senate restroom in Olympia.
MICHAEL MEHREN, Hermiston