Every morning we should all put on a happy face.
But more importantly — and this is for women — we should put on our face — or else. Because if we ladies don’t smooth out our skin tone, blush our cheeks and swipe our eyelashes with mascara, it’s the kiss of death.
From out of the shadows of my colorful experience of being caught without mine, I can guarantee you will see acquaintances you haven’t laid eyes on in decades, news reporters will single you out for a “soundbite” or an emergency with your name on it will ring your doorbell.
Yes, even when you’re hiding out in your home, drapes drawn, confident that you have no reason to cross the threshold to the world beyond, fate will find you.
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I knew things didn’t look good when our dog started to bark.
“Uh oh! We’ve got a mule in our driveway,” my husband Bill called over his shoulder as he peered out the window. “And there’s a woman coming up the road.”
His sentence hung in mid-air. I’d taken a powder and was out of earshot galloping toward my cosmetic drawer. A herd of wild horses couldn’t keep me away.
History wasn’t about to repeat itself.
It’s been many years, but the scenario is as vivid in my memory as over-tweezed eyebrows.
“Hey! Your ram is over here in my field,” my neighbor hollered into the telephone, “and he’s butting my sprinkler risers!"
I paused as I pictured this brush of nature with Dick’s irrigation system — and the fact that Bill wasn’t home to make the capture.
“I’ll be right over,” I said quickly as I tried to smooth our friendship, “after I get my makeup on.”
A momentary pause concealed his seething anger.
“If you don’t get out here right now,” Dick raged, “every (censored) sprinkler is going to be knocked down!!”
I opted to go barefaced.
Now, here it is 30 years later, my neighbor has moved on down the highway. But his recollection needs no touch-up.
“Hey, Lucy!” Dick chortles when I occasionally run into him in town, wisps of hay clinging to his overalls. “Do you have your makeup on?”
I always laugh and put on a happy face. He should know, I wouldn’t dare leave home without it.