SCOTTSDALE, Ariz. — There’s one way to Heaven.
A fast way.
Nevertheless, my guardian angel most likely wasn’t joyful at my near arrival.
In less time than it takes a GPS to shout “Turn right, you knucklehead!” my husband, Bill, and I almost discovered the shortcut.
Never miss a local story.
Everything started to go south the other day when we programmed the incorrect Subway address into our Arizona rental car’s GPS. The plan was to meet family at the eating place and then head back to the Scottsdale condo for check-in.
“Let me see if I can come up with another Subway location,” I mumbled as Bill backed the Ford Flex from the parking lot. “The kids must be at one closer to the timeshare.”
The car hummed as we moved onto the road.
I hurriedly pushed buttons, my head pressed to the dashboard. Menu, navigation, points of interest, food; the list went on and on. But then suddenly, my task was cut short.
A bellow pierced my left ear, “Oh no!” was all Bill said.
(My guardian angel let out a scream.)
I looked up to see three lanes of ONE-WAY traffic barreling toward us on the busy highway. My heart came to a complete stop.
Our brakes squealed as Bill tried to flip a U-turn. Now, we were broadside — a “bull’s eye” on my door.
(Why, oh, why, did we upgrade to a vehicle as long as a hearse?!)
The curb flew up to meet our tires. Still the speeding cars kept coming. Frantically, he threw our huge vehicle into “Park”! (OOPS! — it should have gone into “Reverse”!!)
The windshield wipers began to dance in the 104 degree heat.
(Where was that stupid turn indicator?)
Then, as if Heaven’s forces gave us a shove, we were headed the right way, honking horns silenced.
I imagine the Hallelujah chorus might have filled the quiet, but both our guardian angels were too hoarse to sing.