Somewhere, Martha Stewart is weeping. And it’s not tears of joy.
She’s tried for years to train America in the genteel ways of entertaining. But along the way, her tips on glossy pages have ended up — at least for some of us — under the cat food dish, which explains why our kitty is quite debonair.
Nevertheless, when both daughters — Traci and Tiffany — and their families decided a staycation at the Lugi Home-tel would be a great way to spend the 3-day weekend, I figured I could make Martha proud.
The itinerary for their stay included freshly baked cookies upon arrival, an afternoon Arts & Craft Extravaganza for the children, and the promise of an Evening in Italy. Breakfast would be served upon waking per the individual order obtained from their door by Lugi Home-tel staff.
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The plan looked good on paper.
By late afternoon of the first day, the grandkids were so hyped on Otis Spunkmeyer frozen cookie dough that they were thrilled with the huge appliance box tossed into the backyard. Daughter No. 2 wasn’t fooled with this craft facsimile and complained that she had to cut the cardboard windows and Scotch Tape the scrap fabric curtains while her older sister went shopping.
At dinner, we were serenaded by a wailing toddler. However, if we closed our eyes, not only were we able to pretend it was an inept Italian violinist, but we could also avoid seeing the Newman’s Own pasta sauce jar sitting on the kitchen counter.
The next day wasn’t much better.
Breakfast was a sight for sore eyes as I greeted them without makeup. This immediately sent the grandkids scurrying to find Grandma Lucy while half the Home-tel “staff” (aka Bill) disappeared mumbling something about a prior obligation.
But as night closed in, it was a picture of adult family togetherness as we sat in front of the roaring fire, the children happily singing with Hannah Montana downstairs.
And then the idyllic scene ended.
“Hey! What happened to the wireless connection!” we all exclaimed as each person glanced up from their laptop or iPhone.
“I was having a great conversation on Facebook,” one disgruntled Lugi Home-tel guest complained, followed by a chorus of agreement.
Yes, it was enough to finally make Martha cry.