Having survived a Black Friday melee trying to snag a cellphone, Madame Terroir has compiled this issue's Vinestrology, discerning wine recommendations from the list of Platinum winners in Wine Press Northwest's annual Platinum Judging (starting on Page 36). She actually knew who was going to win before the judging, having consulted her Riedel crystal glass, but kept her predictions secret, so as to not influence the judges.
Sagittarius (Nov. 22 to Dec. 21): Madame Terroir senses something burning, besides the English muffin she left too long in the toaster. No, it's desire, Hard Row to Hoe's 2009 Burning Desire Cabernet Franc from Lake Chelan. Go ahead and feed that desire, but remember to wear oven mitts.
Capricorn (Dec. 22 to Jan. 19): Madame Terroir had a dream that she was playing cards and drew four aces. The only problem was she was playing Go Fish. Obviously, the spirits were trying to tell her "four graces," as in Four Graces Winery's 2011 Pinot Blanc from the Willamette Valley.
Aquarius: (Jan. 20 to Feb. 18): Madame missed her chance last year to travel to England to help Queen Elizabeth II celebrate her jubilee. But this year, she suggests you toast the queen's 61st year on the throne with a glass of Dusty Cellars Winery 2008 The Queen Cabernet Franc from the Columbia Valley. The queen may not be amused, but you will be.
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Pisces: (Feb. 19 to March 20): Pisces, friends think that you only go with white wine because of your fishy sign. Not true! Defy that cold fish reputation and revel in a glass of Revelry Vintners' 2009 Reveler Cabernet Franc-based red blend from the Columbia Valley. And this time, get Taurus to be the designated driver.
Aries: (March 21 to April 19): Madame Terroir senses you've been a bit down lately. It's time to sing out, like an Irish tenor belting a cadenza. Have a stiff belt of Northwest Cellars' 2009 Cadenza Cab-based red blend from the Walla Walla Valley to warm up your vocal chords.
Taurus: (April 20 to May 20): Nothing for you; you're driving. But pour your companions a glass of Ott & Murphy Wines' 2008 L'Entente Syrah-based red blend from the Columbia Valley. You can impress your friends that you remember something from your high school French class by telling them "entente" means harmony and understanding. Madame also offers a refresher course in French if you need it.
Gemini: (May 21 to June 20): Gemini, your gift for intellect is off the charts, but then so is Sonny and Cher's I've Got You, Babe. Better fortify your knowledge with an owl's wise countenance and Burrowing Owl Estate Winery's 2008 Syrah from the Okanagan Valley. How many licks does it take to get the bottom of your wine glass?
Cancer: (June 21 to July 22): Madame Terroir can see clearly now; the rain is gone. And so is her car; the repo men came this morning. Time to walk in the sunshine with a glass of Cloudlift Cellars' 2009 Ascent Cab Franc-based red blend. Before you go, can you give Madame a lift to the store?
Leo: (July 23 to Aug. 22): Leo, the Master of the Savannah. And highly regarded in Atlanta, too. Bask in the warmth of Gehringer Brothers Estate Winery's 2011 Desert Sun, an Auxerrois-predominate white blend from the Okanagan Valley. Now, if only you could pronounce Auxerrois.
Virgo: (Aug. 23 to Sept. 22): Virgo, September holds a Friday the 13th for you in 2013. But don't live in fear of superstitions, face them head on with a glass of Road 13 Vineyards 2009 Sparkling Chenin Blanc from the Okanagan Valley in one hand and a rabbit's foot in the other. And try not to think about the rabbit's poor luck.
Libra (Sept. 23 to Oct. 22): Madame Terroir is making plans to attend Mardi Gras in New Orleans this February, so she's boning up on her Creole vocab, like lagniappe. A little Gramercy Cellars' 2009 Lagniappe Syrah from the Columbia Valley should loosen the tongue sufficiently. And a little lagniappe, a small gift, under the table for Madame should improve your fortune.
Scorpio (Oct. 23 to Nov. 21): You're confused by the dream you had last night that you were dressed as Carmen Miranda, and you don't look all that good in fruit. Madame Terroir says you're being too literal. What you saw was a bottle of Lumos Wine Co.'s 2011 Chiquita Pinot Noir Rose from the Willamette Valley. Madame, however, can't explain what you were doing with the Old Spice guy on the horse.