Beastly is a paint-by-numbers teen-targeted love story loosely based on The Beauty and the Beast.
Key word: loosely.
I Am Number Four’s Alex Pettyfer is cast as the conceited Kyle. He’s a high school hunk who gets on the wicked side of a witch. Whizzed at being spurned at the prom, she turns him from heartthrob to something out of a horror movie.
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Embarrassed by his new looks, Kyle goes into seclusion and the only hope of normalcy is to find a woman who loves him for what’s inside and not out. That’s a job for Lindy, a young woman in mortal danger played by High School Musical’s Vanessa Hudgens.
Pettyfer’s character Kyle has a tattooed face and body and strange piercings. He’s supposed to be sucking-air-out-of-the-room ugly. Those loving body “art” and face alterations — and that seems to be most of those 35 and under — aren’t going to find Kyle ugly or repulsive.
Hell, there are people walking the streets of most U.S. cities that are considered quite normal that have similar body and face “art” and no one finds them ugly or repulsive. In fact, if this film was box-office bankable and a huge hit, you would actually find kids going out and imitating the character’s look.
And really — if you’re going to redo The Beauty and the Beast and introduce a movie version of classic literature to a texting addicted and reading challenged generation, at least do it right. How about adding a bubbly soundtrack written by — let’s say Alan Menken — or sticking some cute little singing, dancing dishes and household utensils and characters with some charisma into the plot?
No — wait. That one has already been done so the music, dishes and utensils are out.
Relatable characters are — however — a possibility. One that Beastly doesn’t explore.
Mr. Movie rating: 1 star
Rated PG-13 for mature themes. It opens Friday, March 4 at Regal’s Columbia Center 8 and at the Fairchild Cinemas 12.
5 stars to 4 1/2 stars: Must see on the big screen
4 stars to 3 1/2 stars: Good film, see it if it's your type of movie.
3 stars to 2 1/2 stars: Wait until it comes out on video.
2 stars to 1 star: Don't bother.
0 stars: Speaks for itself.