Sunday, Jun. 21, 2009

It's the small things: More Mid-Columbia dads choosing to stay home with kids

By Sara Schilling, Herald staff writer

Dwight McFarlane wasn't sure he'd make it. The single dad was working long hours at Coyote Ridge Corrections Center near Connell. There were days he'd drop his young daughter off at day care and not see her again until late at night, when he'd carry the sleeping girl to the car for the drive home.

It was a struggle to keep going, physically and emotionally.

But then McFarlane hit the jackpot.

Literally.

In 2004, he bought a lottery ticket and won $1,000 a week for the rest of his life. Now the 47-year-old Kennewick man has a nice house and a life free of worry about the bills.

He also has another luxury that makes him feel pretty lucky -- the chance to spend quality time with his daughter while she's growing up. He and Nichole, 11, go shopping, hit their favorite restaurants and are playing golf this summer.

"It's a great life," McFarlane said.

In that way, the lottery winner is a lot like several other Mid-Columbia dads who stay home with their children full time. They say being with their kids is the best job they've had.

The U.S. Census Bureau estimated that in 2006 there were 159,000 married men with children under 15 who were stay-at-home dads.

The Tri-City area Mr. Moms stay home for different reasons.

Cody Hammill, 24, of Benton City, was injured in January while working as a corrections officer.

Before he was hurt, his wife, Susan, would fill him in on the adventures she had during the day with their two small children. He said he didn't realize how much he missed -- even just small moments such as wrestling with his son -- until he was home more.

"For me to be a dad, it's this awesome feeling," Hammill said. "I know my kids are going to remember hanging out with their dad."

Mike Perkins, 39, of Kennewick is a single dad raising twin 8-year-old sons.

The boys see their mother regularly, but Perkins has them most nights. He cooks their dinner, makes sure they do their homework and keeps up on household chores all while working full-time.

Perkins jokes that he's lucky to have boys because he wouldn't know what to do with a little girl's hair. That's not a problem with sons Benjamin and Koby, who love to play sports and are especially excited to play football this year.

It hasn't always been easy as a single dad, but Perkins said he's driven to work hard so his boys will have many opportunities.

"I want to be there for them," he said.

Chris Cisneros found himself in the role of Mr. Mom when he was laid off. Now the 31-year-old from Kennewick stays home during the day with his son, Dominic, 2, and takes college courses at night. He's planning to become a teacher like his grandfather.

"You can tell that (my son) is around Dad a lot. He's always with a bat or ball, something sports related in his hand," Cisneros said.

The busy dad squeezes in homework while Dominic naps or after class. His wife, Monica, works at a bank. Like other dads, Cisneros said he hopes to teach his son the importance of hard work and being there for his family.

"Being a father, to me, is being somebody my son can look up to -- making all the right decisions, doing things that benefit my kids and family," Cisneros said.

Byron Cummins, 60, of Richland, is teaching that lesson to his grandchildren. He and his wife, Leone, are raising Abigail, 4, and Anna, 21/2. Leone works nights, so Cummins often cooks the girls dinner and tucks them into bed.

Cummins said he thought those days were behind him. But when his own children were growing up, he missed a lot because he was always working. Being with the granddaughters has been a second chance.

"For me, it took a tremendous adjustment," said Cummins, who works at home as a real estate investment manager. "But now that we've gotten things really stabilized, when they come up to me and grab me around the leg and say, 'I love you, Grandpa!' or when they go to bed and say, 'I had a good day' -- that brings tears to my eyes."

Some dads said they try extra hard to be there for their kids because their own fathers weren't there for them.

For Matt Rainbolt, 30, of Pasco, it's exactly the opposite. His father, Rocky, was his hero and best friend.

"He was there for T-ball, little league, fishing, camping ... We got everything we wanted, even if it meant sacrifice for him," Rainbolt said.

His father's death a few years ago after an illness hit him hard. But memories of his dad also inspire him to go the extra mile for his own family.

He and his wife, Christina, a nurse, have two young children. They moved to the Tri-Cities in 2008. Rainbolt worked in retail management for years and now is on full-time kid duty.

He wants to show his children -- daughter Ella, 2, and son Rocky, 6 -- as much love as his father showed him.

"If they feel about me the way I feel about my Dad, I'll feel I've been a good father," he said.

McFarlane also works hard to show his daughter lots of love. He talked with pride last week about how she made the honor roll at school and has a lot of friends.

Winning the lottery made his life easier, but having Nichole was the real jackpot, he said.

"It's a great life," McFarlane said. "I'm really fortunate and I count my lucky stars every day."