We have a new executive director. He's a man. I can guess what your next comment might be. "That's great! I bet he'll be able to reach a lot of people you haven't been able to reach before."

At that point I'm never quite sure what to say next, though a number of people have said similar things.

My mind is busy working over the idea that there are people who haven't been receptive to the message that domestic violence and violence against women is not OK, and that no one deserves to be abused.

Or, is it that they weren't receptive to that message because it came from a woman.

This dynamic was illustrated recently by Jeff Matsushita of the Idaho Coalition Against Sexual and Domestic Violence who displayed a picture of a man in a suit with a red cape and the caption "Never fear! A man is here!" and related his own experience of receiving accolades for just showing up.

The reality is that for too long, the work against domestic violence and sexual violence has been viewed as women's work.

And, it has primarily has been women's work.

The anti-violence movement has been lead by amazing women, often survivors of domestic and sexual violence, who have stood up and said, "Enough!"

These women worked to change laws and public policy and to provide support and services to other victims and survivors.

We have been doing this work for a long time, and while progress has been made in significant ways, the reality still is that one in four women will experience some form of intimate partner violence in their lifetime, and one in six women have experienced an attempted or completed rape.

What we need are men to unite with us in doing this work.

However, we need men to do more than just show up. It's not enough for a man to just not batter his wife. It's not enough for a man to just not rape or sexual assault his date. We should expect a little more from men.

We need to have men stand up and talk about violence against women, talk about what it means to be a man, talk about how to treat your partner, all women and all people with respect and equality, talk about why men's involvement in ending violence against women benefits their partners, their children, other women and girls, themselves and our community.

We know that the majority of men are not abusive and do not support violence. We know there are many men who are victims, either growing up watching their father abuse their mother, abused physically or sexually by their intimate partner.

That's all the more reason we need men as advocates against violence!

Men play an important part in ending violence against women. Men must be partners and allies with women to end violence, because men listen to and influence other men, and because men's silence about violence against women condones the violence.

Furthermore, we need men because we can't do it alone -- domestic violence and sexual violence is not just a women's issue -- it's everyone's issue.

For more information about men's work in the anti-violence movement visit acalltomen.org, founding-fathers.org or whiteribbon.com.

Rally and vigil against violence

Domestic Violence Services is sponsoring its 9th Annual Candlelight Vigil at 6:15 p.m. Thursday at John Dam Plaza in Richland.

During the event, organizers will display 32 life-size silhouettes representing every victim killed as a result of domestic violence in the Tri-Cities since 1998. Friends and family are invited to memorialize the silhouettes of their loved ones.

Washington State University's Women's Success Program will also be holding its Walking Fearless Rally at 5:15 p.m. Thursday at John Dam Plaza, just prior to the vigil.

-- Erinn Gailey is the Program Director of Domestic Violence Services of Benton & Franklin Counties. dvsbf.org.