Monte Carlo has pitch-perfect performances, but the plot is pathetic.
Now I’m a guy and not the target. That realization came to me in spades. I caught the critic’s screening of Monte Carlo at a theater on the fourth floor of a downtown Portland building. It’s one of those huge malls with all of the stores tucked into a ring around balconies.
-- Local show times, theaters, trailer.
Several times during the movie, I was tempted to run to the edge of the balcony and throw myself off.
Yes, it’s that bad.
Tween-age girls and young women may find Monte Carlo “intoxicating.” Not my word. As I write this I’m at a screening for a different film and the nice woman sitting next to me, looking over my shoulder made me use it. She apparently has a better understanding of the appeal of such a flick to younger women and girls.
But she didn’t see the movie and I stand by my original statement.
A star in the making, Selena Gomez, is Grace -- a Texas teen on a vacation to Paris, France after high school graduation. It’s a trip her best friend and man-magnet Emma planned for a long time. Her older step-sister, the negative Meg, is forced to go along. She’s not-so-friendly to Grace and doesn’t like Emma all that much either.
Mom and dad think a bonding experience is more important than the kid’s European present to herself.
No one has fun once they get there. Then fate has the ladies missing a tour bus and ending up at a swank hotel where Grace is mistaken for a haughty, rich heiress whose personality is best described by a word starting with the letter B. Grace, of course is the exact opposite of her doppelganger.
Playing along with the case of mistaken identity, the three women are whisked off to Monte Carlo where the spoiled, highly unpopular heiress is to auction off a priceless necklace to help educate poor children.
Getting away with the ruse is complicated, but the young women from Texas can’t resist the high life, rich digs and fabulous dresses. Romance and family bonding follows for Grace, Emma and the miserable Meg.
Monte Carlo is loosely based on Jules Bass’ popular novel, Headhunters. Very, very loosely. Basically they both have women at a posh Monte Carlo hotel and romance is involved. The movie script dumbs down an already dumb premise and instead of four older women, the plot skews young.
Way young.
Co-starring with Gomez is Katie Cassidy — daughter of pop star of antiquity, David — and Leighton Meester of TV’s Gossip Girls. Cassidy also starred in a few episodes of the same series. Both are fabulous in their roles and are the real bright spot in a flick so colorful that taking sunglasses along may be advisable.
Gomez — who was terrific and very strong in the excellent Ramona and Beezus — is the film’s weakest link. However, she is popular enough to attract enough of the film’s core audience to help the producers at least cover the cost of making the film.
To be fair, the core audience for Monte Carlo will find it to be exactly what they expect — and want. It is a romantic comedy swirling in bright lights and glamor and a perfect movie outing for those addicted to romance.
Oh, and if you go, don’t forget the sunglasses.
Mr. Movie rating: 1 stars
Mr. Movie teen, young women & romance addict rating: 4 stars
Rated PG for mature themes. It opens Friday, July 1 at the Carmike 12 and the Fairchild Cinemas 12.
5 stars to 4 1/2 stars: Must see on the big screen
4 stars to 3 1/2 stars: Good film, see it if it's your type of movie.
3 stars to 2 1/2 stars: Wait until it comes out on video.
2 stars to 1 star: Don't bother.
0 stars: Speaks for itself.
