Ever since we were first coughed up by indigested tyrannosaurs, mankind has longed for real life to be like a video game.
Imagine if empty bottles were as precious to us as they are to Link! Finally, that fifth of vodka a day would make sense, because no matter how hungover you might be, no matter how critically damaged your liver, you could simply release a helpful fairy to restore your hearts to full. Work would be the life-equivalent of dungeons, of course, but at least you would come home every day with a sweet whip or at worst a shard of a crystal that can either a) save the world or b) be sold for more soon-to-be-empty bottles.
-- Local show times, theaters, trailer.
On the downside, all Earth's animals would be immediately slaughtered as we all rushed out to level up and collect gil, so maybe it's better this way. Still, the fantasy partially explains the success of the Scott Pilgrim comics. And maybe, if it were as easy to port stories from books to movies as it is to port games between systems, Scott Pilgrim vs. the World would have been worth watching.
No one takes Michael Cera's new high school girlfriend seriously. Neither does he as soon as he lays eyes on Mary Elizabeth Winstead, a hipster girl who's probably way too cool for him.
Improbably, he talks her into a date. But while Cera's competing in a battle of the bands, he's assaulted by one of Winstead's ex-boyfriends — the first of her seven evil exes Cera must defeat if their relationship is to last.
Oh, and by "he's assaulted," I mean the ex-boyfriend busts in through the ceiling and challenges Cera to a duel to the death straight out of Bonestorm or Mortal Kombat. These video game and pop-culture obsessed characters are right in director/cowriter Edgar Wright's wheelhouse. In some ways, it's a flashier extension of his work on Spaced, the British comedy series.
Spaced, however, starred Simon Pegg. Scott Pilgrim stars Michael Cera as — wait for it — I said wait for it — the geek.
I don't hate on actors too often. Even overacting jokers such as Nicolas Cage are great in some roles. But at this point, if Michael Cera were a D&D character, he would have a natural charisma of 3. His character here is uninteresting and underdeveloped even by the low standards set by his other turns as nerds, losers and shut-ins. I don't believe Scott Pilgrim's own right hand would be attracted to his baby-bird whine and spineless, humorless self-absorption, let alone several attractive girls.
So I spent most of Scott Pilgrim wishing I were one of the exes punching its main character in the face. Yet having that perspective left me confused. Why are I and my fellow villainous ex-boyfriends attacking Cera in the first place? If we're a metaphor for his insecurities about Winstead's past, what the holy hell do Cera's fists of fury represent? Couldn't we have been somehow tied to the arc of their relationship rather than shoehorned into arbitrary moments?
That leaves us with a story that doesn't stand up to any scrutiny about a character who should be flushed sans Falcon out the garbage chute of an Imperial Star Destroyer. It's a testament to Wright's fully armed and operational directorial powers and a capable supporting cast that all the movie's joy isn't force-choked right out of it.
Between Kieran Culkin's dry humor and the arcade-style battle sequences, Scott Pilgrim isn't so bad on a moment-by-moment basis. Caring about it as a whole is a challenge tougher than the water temple in Ocarina of Time.
Grade: C
