Gary Wolcott's "Mr. Movie" column has appeared in the Tri-City Herald since 1992. The Tri-City native now lives in Portland, Ore., and watches about 250 movies each year. This member of Portland's association of movie critics, Far From Hollywood, believes movies are made to be seen on theater screens and should be seen there and not on television screens. Have a question for Mr. Movie? Click on "Add Comment" below. Mr. Movie has joined Twitter. Follow him here.
Marc Lawrence (Miss Congeniality) casts Hugh Grant and Sarah Jessica Parker as the soon-to-divorce Morgans. In New York, they see a murder and are whisked off to Wyoming and witness protection.
Guess what? They fall back in love in a grind on you, tedious, annoying, TV-movie-of-the-week style. Viewers unfortunate enough to have watched TV movies of the week when the networks had several a week, will find themselves doing lines along with the characters.
It is that predictable.
And at least TV movies of the week badly written as they were had a purpose. They took up a time slot and sold advertising. There is no purpose whatsoever for Did You Hear about the Morgans?
And who heard about the Morgans? No one. Youre not introduced to friends or family. Two assistants doubling as comedy relief are the only people missing the Morgans and you get the sense that the two actors playing the parts were as bored with the premise as the leads.
I feel bad for Grant, Parker and co-stars Sam Elliot and Mary Steenburgen. They get stuck in the worst, most disjointed, cliche and pointless script of the year.
Forget witness protection, with this one it is you that need protection witless protection.
Mr. Movie rating: 1 stars
Rated PG-13 for mature themes. It opens Friday, Dec. 18 at Regals Columbia Mall 8 and at the Fairchild Cinemas 12.
5 stars to 4 1/2 stars: Must see on the big screen
4 stars to 3 1/2 stars: Good film, see it if it's your type of movie.
3 stars to 2 1/2 stars: Wait until it comes out on video.
2 stars to 1 star: Don't bother.
0 stars: Speaks for itself.
With the exception of one of my favorites, the movies on the list all revolve around Christmas.
While to some it is not politically correct to refer to the season as Christmas, I still like to call them Christmas movies. That’s the holiday and in the past Christmas was the reason for the season.
UPDATE: Battelle Film Club cancels Friday's showings
EDITOR'S NOTE: Gary Wolcott said this week's snowstorm has prompted the Battelle Film Club to cancel Friday night's program from Aesthetica Short Film Festival.
Short films is an interesting genre. Some are hits. Some miss. Most are mediocre.
What makes the genre so odd is that even the miss and the mediocre shorts have something about them that make them irresistible.
Battelle club brings in Welles-narrated 'F for Fake'
This week's featured film, brought to you by the Battelle Film Club , is F for Fake — a 1973 documentary whose anchor subjects are Orson Welles and writer Clifford Irving.
The author rose to fame for writing Fake a biography of a-then famous French art forger Elmyr de Hory. Later, Irving’s great claim to fame became a fake of his own — a biography of legendary recluse, millionaire Howard Hughes.
Welles, who lied about his credentials to get acting jobs early in his career, has his own story. It’s the best broadcast fakery of all-time, the 1938 Mercury Players War of the Worlds .
'The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo' fabulous in English
Newly crowned superstar Daniel Craig picks up the role of scandalized and ostracized investigative journalist Mikael Blomkvist.
He’s hired by a rich industrialist to solve a 40-year old murder mystery. Blomkvist is joined by Rooney Mara’s, goth girl, Lisbeth Salander, whose investigative skills match his own.
Together and separately, they navigate their way through a brilliant whodunit packed with intense and delicious twists and turns.
Sometimes, producers make movies just for the accolades.
Here’s the formula. Grab a major talent and throw something together. Wait to release it until the end of the year. Do the release with lots of hype. The buzz sells everyone on the idea that the picture is the next best thing.
When you land a Meryl Streep to play a role in whatever you toss together, then the buzz gets an extra kick. Critics in Los Angeles and New York screen it first. They rave about her acting, and the extra kick gets an extra kick.
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