Proof that zombie movies, grand as they are, are probably played out:
when I do these theme months, I don't even have to try to find a
zombie movie that fits the bill. I could probably do "Giant Space
Crocodiles Who Conquer Earth for the Sole Purpose of Making Us All
Pinochle-Slaves" Month, spend three seconds on the Netflix website,
and have a theme-appropriate title in my mailbox the next day.
Western Month, is it? No problem. All I have to do is stroll across
the street and rent 2007's Undead or Alive, the Chris Kattan
vehicle America's been crying out for.
After a fight over a whore leaves lovestruck cowboy Kattan and soldier
James Denton in jail next to a zombie, they're not inclined to stick
around. They're pursued almost immediately by crooked sheriff Matt
Besser and his posse, who spread the zombie curse across the
countryside.
I will say this for Undead or Alive: the cause of its zombie
plague (Native American curse) is fairly original. I guess you have to
get creative when your movie's set in the days before viral research
and barrels of toxic ooze. Writer/director Glasgow Phillips takes a
similarly free attitude toward the rules of his world. Other than that
night I ended up having to take my sleepwalking roommate to the
emergency room, I don't remember the last time a headshot didn't kill
a zombie.
Other than that, it just makes too many tradeoffs. CG gore instead of
practical effects. (CG: great for dinosaurs, not great for entry
wounds.) A woman who's a 9 but can't act instead of a 7 who can. (I
assure you, this is a crime.) A completely unnecessary
"meanwhile, back in town" sideplot that gives us a few more zombies at
the cost of the main story.
The first two problems may be byproducts of a low budget, but the
third is inexcusable. Kattan delivers his finest performance, meaning
the first time I didn't want to punch him in the face and run away,
but with their screen time shared with that irrelevant sideplot, the
main characters don't have time to do much besides argue about
anachronistic scholarship and trade generic '00s-style quips.
It picks up once the massive blunderbuss gets involved, but that's
pretty much a given. Even then, it's moderately fun, no more. When the
best you can say about a zombie movie is "Well, the shovel
decapitation was cool. Oh, and Brian Posehn," it's time to watch
Dawn of the Dead for the 243rd time instead.
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Big Awful Friday: 'Wild Zero' rocks hard
Big Awful Friday: 'Wild Zero' rocks hard
Japan has a reputation for weirdness. It's to the point where you can say anything about the place and someone will believe you.
Do you know the country has no concept of bread? It's true, probably. They also make reservations for KFC for Christmas and have a standing order to arrest raccoons on sight.
Of course, the fact one of those things is true isn't really any weirder than convincing a nation of children that tiny pixies crawl under your pillow at night in search of dead teeth. But it might still help to explain the existence of Wild Zero in 2000.
'Contagion' gives mean case of the willies
'Contagion' gives mean case of the willies
I would have to say the creepiest thing about viruses is some people don't consider them to technically be alive.
That makes them kind of like bizarro zombies. Well, except I guess bizarro zombies would be more like corpses that come back to life and restore brains to those who've lost them, such as flat tax advocates. Or maybe they would just eat our feet instead? I'm a little confused about how this bizarro stuff works. Point is, it's not very cool when you have to fight something that can't be killed because it has no life to be killed. Also there are hundreds of millions of them inside you.
-- Local show times, theaters, trailer.
'In Time' not really worth yours
'In Time' not really worth yours
It is going to take some time to explain the basics of In Time .
The concept is simple, but the plot is complex.
In the future, you age until you’re 25. Then you stop. As long as you can buy, borrow or steal enough time to stay alive, you can live forever. You never age. Run out of time and a never-identified ticker inside your own ticker stops ticking. You die.
Mr. Movie's list of Halloween favorites
Mr. Movie's list of Halloween favorites
I’m going to ramble a bit. Normally when picking a best list you do five or 10. I’m doing six. It just worked out that way.
When you look at my picks you will note I deliberately left The Exorcist off my list. While some think it’s the best horror film of them all, I read the book and it pales in comparison. Other than Linda Blair’s spinning head, lots profanity and vomit, and Mercedes McCambridge’s brilliant work as the dubbed-in demon voice, there isn’t much substance.
I guess at this point you’ve guessed the topic of this post is horror movies for Halloween. You’ll want to get started early. These days they get gobbled up at the few video stores that are left. I know next to nothing about Netflix so I’m not sure what kind of a supply it has for those still doing the mail thing.
Pop culture Q&A: 'Lights Out' is out, Belzer vs. Bowzer, underwater zombies
Pop culture Q&A: 'Lights Out' is out, Belzer vs. Bowzer, underwater zombies
Q: I'd like to know if the man who plays on "Law & Order," I think his last name is Bowzer, is the same man who sang with the group Sha Na Na.
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