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For 25 years, Commissioner Bill Platts sat behind the Benton County District Court bench doling out advice and punishment to shoplifters, speeders and teens caught with alcohol.
But Thursday, the man fondly known to his staff as "Grumpy," climbed on top of the bench and danced his way into retirement.
"Here it goes. Are we ready?" Platts said before shaking his body for several seconds to Gloria Estefan's Conga. He was clad in his usual black robe and a big foam cheesehead, a nod to his beloved Green Bay Packers.
Platts, 65, explained that it had long been a promise of his to dance when he retired. The pledge was made to young lawbreakers who Platts had encouraged to get their high school diplomas or GEDs, but District Court employees weren't going to let him leave without a show.
A crowd of about 65 -- court staff, judges, prosecutors, defense attorneys, corrections officers and Platts' loved ones -- waited anxiously for the jig, and Platts didn't disappoint.
"My dance is not like any other," he said.
The Idaho native was appointed commissioner in January 1984 by his good friend and law school classmate, Judge Eugene Pratt.
Platts was Benton County District Court's first court commissioner and is going out just as the county agreed to change the court to an all-judge system. He also is following colleague Pratt into retirement.
After graduating from the University of Idaho with his law degree, Platts worked in private practice for more than five years before making the switch to the Benton County Prosecutor's Office.
Some time after his appointment, Platts heard about another judge telling offenders before him to finish their education.
So Platts quickly made it a part of his probation requirements: People between ages 18 and 21 had to either get their diploma or a GED. He gave them 270 days -- the equivalent of an academic year -- to complete it or at least have documented progress to show at a follow-up court hearing.
Platts said he has had some young adults who passed the GED in the 95th to 98th percentile and, based on their scores, should have attended elite colleges.
"I would tell them it should be a requirement of life," he said. "I believe it relates to self-discipline and the ability to make wise choices."
Platts' own mother was a widow facing a difficult job market when she got her GED at 50.
"Part of the thing here is hopefully a life change. Not to just get through this (judicial ordeal) but hopefully to have a life-affecting change," he said. "Jail and the courtroom shouldn't be a fun thing."
Platts admitted he has been "grumpy on occasion" in front of the defendants, but that is just because he wants things to change for them. But this is the appropriate time for him to leave, he said, because he is "getting crankier."
Anna Clarke, Platt's court reporter, read for the crowd her boss's top five famous quotes from on the bench.
* "Sir, do you tell these women about your criminal history before you impregnate them? You should."
* "I'm always baffled, is there somebody running around Moses Lake telling people to come up to the Tri-Cities to shoplift?"
* After telling a person the terms of their no-contact order, "I don't care if she stands naked on the table wanting you to come over. 'No contact' means just that."
* "Let me give you a little advice, sir. Keep your pants zipped."
* "Oh, and I suppose the marijuana fairy put that marijuana in your pocket? Well, I'd sure like to get my hands on that marijuana fairy."
At that point, a man dressed in a pink tutu and fairy wings came in and handed Platts a little baggie. Platts quickly explained it was strawberry leaves.
Platts later acknowledged "I've probably said things that would get me in a lot of trouble in today's society ... but it has been fantastic."
Now that he no longer has to go to work, Platts' social calendar is already full with trips planned to Alaska, Montana, Wyoming, Idaho and Israel. He also expects to spend more time with his son and daughter and his four grandchildren.
Platts said the only regret is that his wife, Jennifer -- who died in August 2007 -- isn't here to share in his retirement, since they had planned together that "this was the age we were going to kick back."
