Longshot candidate maintains structural integrity of taco stand

I recently joked that I’d need a translator to help with my interview of Ellensburg Republican Gordon Allen Pross, a perennial candidate who is taking yet another shot at U.S. Rep. Doc Hastings, R-Pasco. Well, it’s too late.

I talked with Pross at length this week and have been left with loads of material. Below I’ve posted some of his best quotes. But before we get to that I’d direct you to his campaign website where he lists “statesman” as one of his five occupations. I wonder what that pays?

Under the heading “family” he lists “Pro,” “Middle Child,” and “Biblically Single.”

The website indicates he tried to run for president last year but his campaign was met with censorship. It was the first I’d heard of his campaign.

Across the bottom of one of the pages on his site is this statement: “GORDON ALLEN PROSS HAS 4 BILLION PEOPLE AGREEING WITH HIS POLICY OF EQUALITY FOR HUMANITY.”

So, long story short, he’s feeling pretty confident about his chances this fall.

Here’s a sampling of his best quotes.

— “Because, it's like this Chris,” Pross explained in an e-mail. “Shake, make, or bake someone else's taco stand! Mine is intact!”

— When asked what he did to promote his presidential campaign Pross wouldn’t say because he’s writing a book. “This is work product. You’re going to have to buy it.”

— Who was censoring his campaign? It turns out he tried to get on The Colbert Report but was rebuffed. “They wouldn’t even hear it,” Pross said. “I know why. Because we are the answer team.”

— Will he run again? “I don’t see why not. This is the only country where anybody can be president. We’ve seen that. Look at Clinton.”

— In discussing corruption Pross said “You got the Enrons and you got the Freddie Mae and whatever the heck...”

— On running for Congress: “Who wants to do this?” Pross asks. “You gotta be hangin’ 10.” When reminded he is running for Congress he laughed and said “yeah, I’m hangin’ 10.”

— Pross on how he’s getting excited talking about his campaign: “The hair is standing up on my head right now. I can feel it between my ears.”

— “I’ll spend your taxes on YOU... on YOU brother!”

— “Doc Hastings runs his campaign off a boxcar of peanuts. I run my campaign off the aroma of peanuts.”

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