Monday, May. 04, 2009

'Wolverine' is fun, but not good

I always like beginnings and origin stories more than tales from a character's later life.

There's something exciting about seeing a person struggling to come to grips with the world before they became all cool and mature. That's why watching rookies play baseball is more fun than watching vets and why The Adventures of Teen Jesus is way better than the Bible. It's kind of like Badass Training for the audience: Ohhh, Wolverine grew up fighting in every war ever instead of lying on the floor watching Return of the King for the second time today. That's why he can grow better sideburns than me.

That and the general excellence of the first two X-Men movies are what had me excited for X-Men Origins: Wolverine despite having seen the same trailer precisely eight jillion times in the last couple months and possessing only a vague familiarity with this corner of the Marvel universe. (Wolverine's the one who looks like a bat, right?) As usual, the execution couldn't match up to the anticipation.

Born in the mid-19th century, Hugh Jackman and older brother Liev Schreiber are mutants whose strength and regenerative ability make them perfectly suited for soldiering. In Vietnam, their powers are brought to the attention of Danny Huston, who recruits them to his team of special ops mutants.

But Schreiber is slowly losing his grip on humanity, and Huston is driven to complete his objectives at any cost. When a mission in Nigeria turns ugly, Jackman walks away from not just the military, but also his brother.

Six years later, Jackman's leading a quiet and isolated life. But Schreiber has started hunting down the old team, and Huston believes Jackman is the only one who can stop him.

Have you ever wondered who is mighty enough to kick a helicopter's ass? Me too! We should be friends. At our inaugural meeting of the Club of Colossal Nerds Who Never Stop Talking About Who Could Beat What in a Fight, we can finally put that issue to rest: the answer is Wolverine. No word yet on the outcome of Picard vs. Gandalf.

Incredibly, wrangling a helicopter like an unmedicated student only places about third on Wolverine's list of outrageous action scenes, which range somewhere between ludicrous and totally, totally sweet.

I lean towards the "totally sweet" side, but then again I'm the kind of guy who plans his Saturdays around watching all three Bourne movies back to back and then robbing a ninja store. Director Gavin Hood's "stuff goes boom now" scenes are big enough and frequent enough to keep things rolling.

If that doesn't cut it for you, I got some bad news: you have cancer. Also, in terms of depth, Wolverine is no X-Men or X2. "Brainless" is too harsh; it has a few funny moments, and there's something to Jackman and Schreiber's messed-up fraternal relationship.

The storytelling, however, leaves something to be desired. Despite covering a lot of ground without feeling rushed, the plot is, in some ways, older than Wolverine, and that dude is like 150 years old.

Maybe it's the overfamiliar twists that explain why the movie never elevates itself above just another comic adaptation. On the other hand, Wolvy and Gambit totally beat hell out of each other. Not so much a good movie as it is a fun movie, Wolverine is too disposable to match the standards the franchise has by now set for itself.

Grade: C+