Tuesday, Aug. 25, 2009

5 Rules for wedding planners

I've often heard that when it comes to wedding planning, it's best to assume early on that the groom will never do enough to appease the bride-to-be.

Plenty of men have shared their opinion that when it really comes down to it, all they truly cared about was being married at the end of the day. All of the minute details that come beforehand are just extra fluff that they really had no desire to be a part of.

Which is really sweet, actually. They would like nothing more than to be pronounced husband and wife.

Still, it feels like a load of crap when you're the actual bride who has a disinterested groom.

I'm a careful planner, so much to the point that it worries me. I plan out my future and whenever there is a possible twist to my carefully laden chain, I quickly think of all possible outcomes, then spend the next couple hours picking out the right one as if I were playing Operation.

It's quite the contrast from Mr. Big, who is a go-with-the-flow, don't-rock-the-boat kind of guy.

It'd be safe to say I've had this wedding mapped out since early February. Perhaps even January. The past six months have been a painstaking time where I wished the wedding would just be here already so I could reap the fruits of my labor.

Being engaged is supposed to be the best time of your life. Whoever said that probably had a wedding planner and minions to do their bidding. Or they eloped.

While I have nothing against eloping (believe me, I've thought about it), there's something about being in that wedding gown in front of loved ones that you just can't replace. It's probably all the girlie images that have been ingrained in my brain since childhood, but it's still nevertheless something that I want to experience at least once in my lifetime.

So what are the keys to planning a successful wedding? Rule # 1 - It's all right to be a little insane.

There are only a few instances where it's perfectly normal to be abnormal. In high school you can wear stupid T-shirts and put blue dye in your hair and say "Yeah, I'm rebelling!" when in fact you just look dumb. Once a month you're entitled to being a complete bitch because of you-know-why. And when you're 9 months pregnant, you're allowed to bite off the heads of everyone around you while simultaneously devouring everything in sight.

Planning a wedding is no small task, so it's okay to get a little overwhelmed. I've had my share of mini freak-outs, but as long as you have a stable counterpart to help pick up the pieces, you should be okay. Think about what you do have control over and don't dwell on what you don't. Nothing good comes from that.

Rule # 2 - Make a list of everything you want. List making has become my life. It helps you visualize. But more importantly, people respect lists. If you show up to a meeting with an organized list, people take you seriously. They think, "She means business." Or they think that you're crazy, but that's okay, see Rule # 1.

Rule # 3 - Save, save, save, you fool! It's not fun, but someone's gotta do it and sadly it's got to be you. On my writer's salary, it was a challenge to set aside half of my paycheck when I needed every penny as it was. Normally, a lot of Ramen would have been consumed, but luckily Mr. Big cooked me many lunches from the restaurant. Granted, BBQ ribs for lunch twice a week wasn't good for a woman's figure, but it certainly beat my PB&J.

If you're a caffeine fiend like me, you've got to get a hold of your cravings. While I didn't give up Dew, I did give up Starbucks. I switched from $4 frappes to $2 iced teas. It might not seem like a lot, but believe me, $2 adds up when you're poor.

Rule # 4 - Pick the right people and delegate. People oftentimes feel obligated to choose acquaintances or cousins for their wedding party. I say choose those who are close to you. Those are the people who are going to understand what you mean when you call them at 3 in the morning, crying because some color doesn't match.

Mr. Big chose obligation over who he really wanted and regretted it when it came down to his bachelor party and little was set up. In addition, his groomsmen waited until the last moment to order tuxes, leaving them with little options.

The best part of having a large wedding party is to distribute responsibilities. I have a fairly small wedding party that includes two bridesmaids and my mom. For the most part I've designed the whole thing, but these key three people helped add the finishing touches. I must emphasize that it is vital to put your foot down in the beginning for what you will and will not stand. If your wedding is one year down the road, you have 12 months to be accommodating - so it's best to put your foot down early on.

Rule # 5 - You CAN have your cake and eat it. That's right. If you plan correctly and save up, you might not be able to savor every morsel that you planned, but your friends and family will - and that's ultimately what it's all about, right? If someone says, "Your wedding was the best I've ever been to!" that makes you feel good, right? Let's be real - you'd get an endorphin high.

Overall, the better you plan things out, the less you have to worry about. So once you let go that you can't prevent all hiccups, the more likely you're going to have more fun on your special day. Hopefully the major things do go right and as my fiance says, you're eventually married by the end of the day.

I at least want to have a bite of my own wedding cake before the night is over...