Wednesday, Jul. 15, 2009

Please keep your unruly kids away from me

I don't care if it's a photo of a bowl of peas - if it's in focus and there's good lighting, I'll probably want to eat it.

Lately I've been addicted to food blogs. I'm not the best cook out there, but I do appreciate a good challenge - especially if it's got step-by-step instructions with photos to boot.

That's why I love FoodGawker.com so much. You see something that looks delicious, you click on it and - Voila! - there's the instructions! Magnifico!

Nowadays, it's much more economical to just buy the extra-virgin-organic-vegan-cookies in the plastic container than to actually make them at home. Where's the fun in that? And more importantly, where's the spoon with leftover batter to lick?!

I remember baking all sorts of stuff with my mother when I was younger. She had these awesome molds and icing tips that made it a lot of fun... As long as we didn't make too big of a mess. My cookies and pastries always ended up looking as if a rainbow crapped all over them, but it was still something that my parents thought was important to do and invest time in. And it paid off - my sister and I love baking. It's just the grocery shopping for ingredients that gets us hotter than our preset ovens.

These days it seems I can't go outside anymore. I'm becoming a agoraphobic in the sarcastic sense that I hate going to crowded places. On a serious note, I really do get anxiety. My heart starts pumping and the wrinkles on my forehead begin to appear.

This past weekend, it wasn't even a holiday and yet everyone with a car and five kids seemed to be at the mall. Mr. Big thought we'd be safe in the downstairs part of Macy's, when a mother with three kids in tow (she had a friend with two kids with her as well) dragged her screaming two-year-old into the corner by the dishes (very smart) and started wailing on her rear-end. Of course the kid didn't stop crying, but the mother had gotten some aggression out and continued shopping.

Wow, you didn't solve anything and your kid is still just as loud. Mind if I take a few whacks at your kid? It might make me feel better.

Going to Lowe's wasn't any better. Some parents let their three kids run around a nearby ladder. As Big and I passed by, the little girl tried running in between me and the ladder. The girl got stuck, thinking I would move out of her way. I looked down into her innocent doe-like eyes and scowled, sticking my hip further into her. The brave little thing simply pushed me out of the way and continued chasing after her brothers.

Normally I'm not a huge biotch when I'm out and about - especially with kids. But even when I do assert myself - Hey, I'm standing here! - I get overtaken by a little six-year-old.

While I realize it takes a lot of patience and hard work to control your offspring, I do find it irritating at the people who just have no control whatsoever. Clearly they let their kids get away with stuff at home, or beat them into submission, because when they're in public all they can do is yell at their kids, who oftentimes don't listen. I'm no Nanny 911, but that seems like a parenting issue.

I know that we as humans have this internal drive to procreate, but sometimes I just think couples would have been better with adopting a dog or something.