Tuesday, Oct. 28, 2008

Wedding Bell Blues

The wedding planning process is a lengthy one. One that oftentimes is spread out for more than a year. In my case, it's roughly 10 months.

This Saturday, I will have been engaged for 1 month. Strange how it feels like three. With all the planning that has gone on in just this past week, one would think I would have this wedding planned in no time.

It's been a bumpy 1 month, too. People constantly pressing us for setting a date, booking a venue and an approximate number of guests. Being treated like we're children who don't understand the maturity that a wedding entails. Being told who I have to invite (that list keeps growing), who I can't invite (I'm told children aren't allowed) and what kind of behavior is expected of my drunken-party-monger friends.

Something so fun can turn so difficult and depressing in an instant. I can't stress enough that I haven't even been engaged for a full month; yet already I'm faced with the stress of becoming a Bridezilla and simply calling the whole thing off for at least two years.

It's always entertaining to hear people's stories of how they got married and the trials and tribulations they experienced while they got to that point. Like many couples these days, there are always breaking points where they make a decision to either keep going as things are, or something's got to change. Of course, after things changed, they are much more happy and the story ends nicely.

I'm not a cynic, really. Just sort of a realist. When I know what I want, I go for it and there'll be hell to pay if you go against it. It's my wedding, therefore it's my decision. Yes, I'll bend and compromise on things, but for the most part I'm not standing for any crap. If I don't like it, I'll tell you. If it's too expensive, I'll cut it from my list of "wants." If I'm upset, you'll hear it.

My parents have wanted me to get married six months ago. When we finally got engaged, they wanted us to get married in Vegas in February during my grandmother's 90th birthday/family reunion. "Everyone will be there," they bluntly stated, as if it were common sense. I've repeatedly said "no."

So when we decided on waiting a mere year, they hopped onboard and said they'd help finance the wedding. But before they did, they attempted one last guilt-trip, saying they didn't think our grandma would live to see the wedding next year (but we stuck to our guns). They were oddly gung-ho about the whole thing. My dad, ever the sentimentalist, was more hands-on in this project, you'd think it was being contracted out by Hanford and he was leading the team.

I love my parents. Deeply. So much that I'd do things I don't even want to do just to make them happy - and I'm sure the same goes both ways. But when it comes to my wedding, my big day, my once in a lifetime event, I'm calling the shots as I see them. This steadfast attitude and know-what-I-want mentality has made me more level-headed than my two siblings. I don't ask for much, I don't try to rely on others and I feel that I'm very mature for my age. Yet when it comes to daddy's little girl, all he can see is me needing guidance and for them to hold my hand the whole way. It's sweet and endearing at times, but for the most part it's driving me insane.

I can handle them being there when I go check out venues and I enjoy my mother's excitement about dresses and decorations, but the moment they try to take over and talk to me like I'm five and start playing the "Well, it's our money" card, I start staring at their jugular and clenching my freshly sharpened pencil. No adult wants their parents undermining them - no matter how old they are.

"You're going to get a professional photographer," my mother explained to me.

"I'm not paying thousands of dollars for one when I can find someone cheap to do it," I said.

"No, you're having a professional do it," she demanded.

Strange, I thought. I'm the one paying for this, yet I'm still being told what to do. Doesn't she realize I'm a writer? If writers were paid every time they weren't appreciated by the public, we'd be rich. Instead, we have to clench onto those dwindling amount of people who do still appreciate a good product and hope we still have a job the next day. Now tabloid magazines...that's where the money is at these days. "Brangelina's twins really fathered by Billy Bob!" You would so read that story.

Luckily, she didn't put up a fight when I told her I didn't want a certain musician playing at our wedding. Unless you're Christina Aguilera, I don't enjoy live singing at these kinds of events. I'm also not big on DJs. Sure, most are great, but a lot are stuck in the mid-90's, or think that "The Hustle" will be as big of a hit as it was when they DJ'd the last high school prom.

However, I am big on jazz music and have always wanted a jazz band. It's classy and more than likely they'll be able to play some kind of aisle music.

While I don't have everything figured out yet, I am well on my way to setting things up. The biggest thing to do is set a date, set the size of the guest list, then pick a venue. All other preparations are given more wiggle room and can be determined later than less-than-one-month-after-the-initial-engagement. A bitter-sounding bride? Perhaps. Maybe I'll feel different after this Saturday...

What are some wedding-planning obstacles you've faced?